Bible Study Forum on Martha Peace's book The Excellent Wife

The Excellent Wife

by Martha Peace

Introduction:

I can really identify with Martha Peace’s testimony. I came to the Lord later in life and had been through much both in life and in marriage. No personal details but suffice to say I think of myself as the woman who has been forgiven much and am so grateful to our Lord Jesus Christ for pulling me up out of the deep dark pit that I was in. My conversion and my husband, Bills', a short time later, were dramatic. We both did a complete about face in politics, child rearing, marriage, etc..none of which was us, it was all God. He gave us both a passion for His Word. We became and still are very avid students of scripture. The change in me was so dramatic that Bill picked up a bible and read it from cover to cover in three months. At the time he was a self-professed God hater but because of the change in my attitude and demeanor he thought this God thing might be real. Whoo hoo! I knew it wasn’t me...I hadn't even gotten to that verse in the bible yet...I was just so grateful to have this bible...finally something solid that I could hang on to and follow. I never went anywhere without it and still don’t.

Our marriage upon conversion was now according to God’s plan laid out for us in his Word. So ladies, there is my testimony...God’s word is true...we can, by our behavior, demeanor, and our attitude, have a HUGE effect on our husbands and our families if we respond biblically. Of course, we can also have a HUGE effect if we respond in a fleshly manner....we have seen the results of that kind of response and know that is not what we want. Right here and now make a decision by the power of the Holy Spirit to respond as God would have you respond to trials, temptations and opportunities especially toward the man you were given to as a helper. It is your most important ministry.

Some key sentences pulled out from the first chapter:

Feel free to comment and/or add your own...

1.God’s will for every Christian wife is that her most important ministry be to her husband. (Gen 2:18) After a wife’s own personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ, nothing else should have a greater priority. Her husband should be the primary benefactor of his wife’s time and energy, not the recipient of what may be left over at the end of the day. (page 4)

Wow..that convicted me when I first read it in 2003 and still does. Do I even remember to ask my husband what he would like me to do for him that day or what he might want for dinner? What I have seen over the years of putting these biblical concepts into practice is that it takes a mindset of giving pre-eminence at all times in your heart and mind to your husband.

2. My life was radically changed by the application of these and other Scriptures. Because God gave me a heart to obey God’s word and will for my life, I am becoming the godly wife that He wants me to be. (page 4)

He can do that for us...are you willing. The only other thing I might add is that not only your life will be radically changed but also the lives of those around you.

3. The traits of the excellent wife are a bit daunting...don’t you think? (page 5)

Don’t be discouraged...check out page 6..2^nd Peter 1:3: ...His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His Own glory and excellence.

True knowledge of Him, right doctrine and godliness comes through the consistent study of God’s word. Decide here and now to have that be the first thing your children see in the morning...you studying God’s word, seeking his strength and guidance. When you work out or take a walk put a Bible teaching or better yet a Bible cd in your player. Choose to fill your mind with the eternal. As it says in Romans: And do not be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind that you may know what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

4. A wife’s responsibility is to learn to put her confidence in the faithfulness of God and His Word—to do what He says. She can become what He wants her to become if she does what He wants her to do. (page 6)

God’s word is true..God’s word works...it is the only way.

The problem of sin...

5. My favorite: Because God has so richly provided for a Christian wife in her battle against sin, she is without excuse. (page 7)

Okay, then...you heard it...no excuses

Some key sentences pulled out from the second chapter: A Wife’s Understanding of God

Again, feel free to comment and add your own...

I think it is very important that each of us check out our perceptions of God with who the Bible says He is. Sometimes we think certain ways without being aware...now is the time to really look at how you view God.

6. As Martha Peace writes on page 9...the God of the Bible...the God that we serve is sovereign, just and loving Ruler over all the earth and all His creatures. He is God most high who is the potter and we are His clay (Romans 9:19-21). We are to bow in humble submission and adoration before Him. Our view of life is to be God-centered, not self-centered. We are here to serve Him, rather than Him being here to serve us. He alone is worthy to be praised. Understanding your proper position as a creature serving the Creator is foundational to clearing up an mis perceptions you may have about God and His protective authority over you.

I think this issue is key especially the God-centered vs self-centered part. Most of us when we are willing to admit it, put ourselves first 99% of the time. It takes a mind controlled by the Holy Spirit to put God and then our husbands first. Ask God to help you to see and be convicted by your own self-centeredness. Pray that you would be able to place God first in your life and that your primary ministry...your ministry to your husband would glorify Him.

What Wives Need to Know about God

7. God has planned a ministry for you. (Genesis 2:18) Yours and every wife’s chief end in life is to glorify God but it is to glorify Him in the manner in which God planed. You are to be a helper suitable for your husband (Genesis 2:18).

There it is in black and white...many of you have other ministries but this is God’s specific prepared ministry for you. Be faithful to it. You will have to answer for it “at the bema seat of Christ.”

When you need encouragement pages 10-11 are good to read. They will help you to remember who God is...gracious, righteous, compassionate, healer of the broken-hearted, sovereignly working all things together for good for His children.

8. God is purposefully working in your life. Romans 8:28-29

“God’s promises to use all of your life experiences, including any evil that has been done against you for your good. One example of good that comes from adversity is changes in your character as you become more like the Lord Jesus Christ. Another example of good that comes from adversity is that God is tremendously honored (glorified) if you respond biblically. God promises to use all things for your good if you love God. You love God by being an obedient Christian. (John 14:15)”(page 11)

Each time I have stepped out in faith in my life especially when it was hard God has done exceedingly abundantly above all that I could ask or think...maybe not always in changing the circumstances but definitely in changing my heart. And the heart change is what increases our faith...and makes us more like Christ...we know it wasn’t us. It was just us, by the power of the Spirit in our lives, choosing to obey God rather than our own selfish flesh. I can remember one time specifically choosing to react in a biblical way to my husband and not in my flesh. The results were far reaching in my heart. My heart for that moment was more for my husband and his situation than my own. Having God’s love poured at in my heart toward my husband at that moment gave me a window as to how much God loves us even when we are unloveable. It made me want to have that kind of heart all the time...Remember ladies..we can...we are without excuse.

I can remember another trial in my life...the hardest I have ever had to face that at first showed me where I was placing some of my faith...and then drew me to Him in a way that if I had had a choice I would have chosen to have gone through the trial again because of how it strengthened my relationship with Jesus and my desire for Him and His word. He dominated my thoughts and actions during that time. I was able to make my valley of baca (tears) a spring through his love, power and grace.

You still need more encouragement in this good coming from adversity thing? Marriage at times can be filled with offenses. One or the other partner is offended and reacts in an unbiblical way. It happens to the best of us. It also happens in our relationships with others. People disappoint us, hurt us, betray us, and offend us. Through offenses I have learned more about God’s love.The answer to them: Here it is in a nutshell: LOVE. The bible says that love is the greatest commandment, it is the debt that is always owed (Romans 13), that it suffers long and is kind....that it never fails.(Cor 13) I interpret the never fails part like this. Responding in love always has an effect. It always bears fruit. You CANNOT go wrong by responding in love. Another verse that helps keep me from getting offended is in Philippians. In 4:5 it says to let your gentleness be made known to all men. That word gentleness is filled with meaning in the Greek. I got this list from John Macarthur and it helped me through many an offense...

Gentleness: This means learning to accept less than you might think you are due...this is a tough one for me...Let your gentleness ....we can replace this word with the following: Get ready for a long list... I needed one so that there were no loopholes. Let your contentment, forbearing spirit, sweet reasonableness, bigheartedness, good will...bending beyond what is expected to grant them good, magnanimity, charity toward the faults of others, mercy toward failures of others, not being personally offended by the faults of others..be known to all men. It is the kind of gentleness that can submit to injustice, disgrace, mistreatment, without hatred, without malice, without retaliation, without vengeance.

The best way to look at it...it is the graciousness of humility which basically says you may have mistreated me, you may have misjudged me, you may have misrepresented me, you may have not given me what I deserve or given me what I don’t deserve, you may have ruined my reputation with some, acted in hostility towards me, I may be the recipient of your inequity, injustice, and mistreatment but I humbly, graciously accept it...Christ still reaches out in love...

Wow...we really are without excuse. But the blessings and joy you receive by responding biblically to offenses in your life will be far reaching. Specifics will follow in later chapters, but responding to others in love is the foundation...remembers love is the debt that we always owe and that it fulfills the law.

What Wives need to Know about Their Works and Themselves

9. “God has prepared good works for the Christian wife to do.

For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

The works God has prepared for you to do include not only what you do in your relationship with your husband, but also your heart’s motive or attitude. It will help you to have the right attitude if you focus on what you are suppose to be doing, not on what your husband is supposed to be doing. Certainly, it is easy to get caught up in seeing whether other people (especially your husband) are doing their jobs right. However, the issue for the Christian wife is “am I doing the good works that God intended for me?”

2^nd Cor 5:10: For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each one may be recompensed for his deeds in the body according to what he has done, whether good or bad.
(page 12)

This is a difficult one for me. Not concerning myself with what I am not getting back from him (my husband) when I respond rightly. I have to take those thoughts captive unto the obedience of Christ...Lord, how come he never, Lord how come I have to...etc. Even if he never responds rightly our job as Christian wives is to glorify our Lord by our obedience to His word. And if we suffer for doing good, so much the better for us it says. This kind of response takes the power of the Holy Spirit, consistent practice in doing the right thing and recognizing your wrong heart attitudes before you have gone too far. (Of course when you do go too far we have forgiveness in Christ and the only thing to do then is to humble ourselves and confess our sin.) Something I need to do more times than I would like during the day.

10. The Christian wife does not have to be afraid (page 13) What strikes me most about this one is the following statement by Martha Peace. “However, the most likely reason that you may be afraid to do what God wants is that you are afraid you won’t have your own way.”

Hmmm....a possibility, huh? As humans we have ulterior motives and agendas. Christ does not have any hidden agenda. His desire is always for our good. When He was here on earth He never did or said anything outside of the Father’s will. (John 7:16-18, John 12:49-50, John 14:10-11) The bible on the other says that our hearts are desperately wicked, who can know them. It says that to keep our heart with all diligence because out of it springs the issues of life. It also says that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. By examining our actions and words we can sometimes discern our motives. Keep your heart with all diligence...Hebrews 12:15 says it best: looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled.

At times I have wondered where the harsh, hurtful words that come out of my mouth at times come from. The question is answered easily if we look at what we were meditating on before the outburst. Most of the time it is on self and what we were not getting. Flesh gets fatter and fatter when it is fed. Starve it...your family will rise up and call you blessed. If you need more help here go to James chapter 1:14-15 Ask yourself what are the desires of mine that draw me away from your perfect will, O God? Ask him to show you and help you give way to His will. Examining what draws you away will help you be very aware of where you are likely to fall. Keep your focus on God and his desires rather than you and your desires.

11. A Christian wife does not have to sin. (page 14)

We are not sinless after salvation but hopefully we sin “less”.

12. God’s Protective Authority

Therefore, when you are under your husband’s (limited by God) authority, you are really putting yourself in the safest possible place – in God’s will. (page 15 and 16)

This is a difficult one in the world in which we live. Submission is a bad word, definitely not politically correct. It is, however, the way God intended for marriage. Husbands and wives have different roles, but there is no partiality with God. Submission is the wives's to willingly and lovingly offer to her husband. It can not be coerced otherwise it is compulsion and not submission. I like how the Word says your own husband. It makes it clear who we are to submit to and also reminds us that he is our personal possession. She submits to the man she possesses as her own. When she does this she is acting in obedience to the Lord who has given this command as His will for her, regardless of her husband's worthiness. Our reverence for God is the basis for our submission. A wife who shows honor and reverence to her husband and displays contentment (not criticism) under his authority will encourage her husband to be that leader the Lord has called him to be. Get out of the way, be content, build your house and by your example train your children to honor their father.