“I have heard of You by the hearing of the ear, But now my eye sees You. Therefore I abhor myself, And repent in dust and ashes.”--Job 42:5-6
These verses spoke to my heart this morning and reminded me of how I used to feel about God. I had heard about Him. I had heard people talk about Him. I thought that there probably was a God and I had at times thought I should act on my feeling that there was a God. When I felt desperate once in a while I would pray. I really did not know how to go about getting God so to speak and I did not have the motivation or the will to really do it. There always seemed to be a wall that I couldn't or did not want to get past.
But God who is rich in mercy because of His great love with which He loved me, broke down that wall which was my pride and brought me to a point where it truly became the motivation of my heart. I still did not know how to do this God thing so I went out to a Barnes and Noble and bought a Life Application Bible. It was a good move...the best I have ever made in my life. The guy who waited on me saw that I was uncomfortable even holding a bible in public and talked to me about how He loved God's word...He told me to read it and that when he didn't read it he was not the same. I remember feeling like he was treating me as he would a sister. I don't remember his words so much as I remember his courage. Very few in my life up until then had stood for anything. It was clear he stood for God and was not afraid to talk to me about it in front of his co-workers nor did he care that the people in line behind me might hear.
There is such a big difference between knowing about God and really understanding who He is and "seeing" Him. Hearing and believing that there was a God did not change my lifestyle. I still lived as if God did not exist. I never gave God any time. I did what I wanted to do. I did not seek His help until the Lord brought me to the end of me and I knew I was out of answers. Raised on books, I went to the Bible.
I had read the bible a little bit before and the words had bounced off of me not reaching their mark, because I really did not want them to reach my heart and take root and grow. This time my heart opened and I understood and really saw the Lord and at the same time saw who I was and had become. It was then that I, like Job said, "I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes. At that moment, I submitted myself to Him and became like a child. A supernatural metamorphosis occurred in my heart. I know I had done nothing to effect the change...it was clearly God. I carried His word with me everywhere. I sought Him in everything and read His word whenever time would allow. As I did my life changed and reflected more of Him and less of me.
If you know of God, but don't have an intimate relationship with Him...don't wait. Now is the time of salvation. Ask Him now to show you who He is. I look back and see the ugliness of what my life was...and see the beauty the Lord has wrought from those ashes and I stand in awe...amazed...I have been totally changed by His presence in my life.
