For our study this morning I draw your attention back to the wonderful little book of Philemon. Turn in your Bible, if you will, to Philemon. It is sandwiched neatly in between Titus and Hebrews, the book of Philemon. This morning our text from Philemon is taken from verses 4 through 7. We are in a four-part series entitled "A lesson in forgiveness." And this morning is part two. Let me read you verses 4 through 7 as the setting for our message.
"I thank my God always making mention of you in my prayers because I hear of your love and of the faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints; and I pray that the fellowship of your faith may become effective through the knowledge of every good thing which is in you for Christ's sake; for I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother."
We live obviously in a society that knows little about forgiveness. We live in a society that cares little about forgiveness. In fact I would think that one of the major contributors if not THE major contributor to the destruction of relationships in our culture is the absence of forgiveness. Our culture pushes us to be unforgiving. It celebrates and exalts people who are not willing to forgive. We make heroes out of the Dirty Harrys and the Rambos who murder people out of vengeance.
As a result of the sinfulness, the wickedness and the lack of any kind of Christian social restraint in our culture, we have a society filled with bitterness, filled with vengeance, filled with anger, filled with hate, filled with hostility toward others. This can be seen in the retaliatory kind of crimes that become so commonplace in our day. It can be seen in the suits, law suits against everyone for everything conceivable and inconceivable. In fact, it is frightening to think about the fact there are more people in law schools today than in all other professional graduate schools combined. We are going to proliferate an almost endless number of attorneys to take care of an endless number of law suits as people retaliate back and forth for every minuscule and major issue of life that has been foisted upon them.
Even counselors today are telling us it's not healthy to forgive. That's a new one. There is a new popular book written by Susan Forward and it is titled Toxic Parents. The thesis of the book is really the prevailing attitude of our present day culture and that is it has a negative attitude toward forgiveness. There's one chapter in the book entitled "You don't have to forgive." In other words, you are a victim of some toxic parents who poisoned you and until you put them blame on them where it belongs, you're not going to be a healthy person. We live in a retaliating vengeful hostile angry culture that wants to make everybody else the perpetrator of a crime against us and us frankly responsible for nothing except vengeance. Certainly ours is the most hostile, the most angry, the most unforgiving, the most vengeful culture that I have ever experienced in my brief life time.
Now for a Christian, a failure to forgive is unthinkable. I don't care what the issue is, I don't care what the offense is, a failure to forgive is a blatant open act of disobedience. We have been told as explicitly as we could possibly be told that if anybody offends us we are to forgive them. How many times? Seventy times seven, or that is an endless number of times. And that the reason we are to forgive is because our Father in heaven has forgiven us and will continue to forgive us as we are faithful to forgive others.
To look at this issue from the negative side for a moment. If we buy into this culture, a culture that says you don't have to forgive, you have a right to your pound of flesh, you can sue anybody and everybody for anything and everything, you ought to blame somebody else for your responsibility and make sure they pay painfully for what they've done to you, if we buy into that mentality here's what it will produce. I'll give you just four things that will happen in a life of a Christian. Number one, it will imprison you in your past. A failure to forgive will imprison you in your past. As long as you fail to forgive an offender, an offense committed against you, you are shackled to the past. Unforgiveness keeps that pain alive. Unforgiveness keeps that sore open. Unforgiveness never lets that wound heal. And you go through life reminding yourself of what was done to you and so you feed that open wound, you feed that open sore, you stir up that pain and you accumatively build up the larger and larger degree of anger. You go through life accumulating bad feelings.
Now think about it. What's the point of that? What virtue does that give or render? Unforgiveness just imprisons you in the past and for all the time that you go back to the past and regurgitate that unforgiving attitude you will accumulate in your life the tragedy of anger and hostility escalated, built on, accumulated, piled up which will rob you of the joy of living. You will go through life feeling just as bad as you do now or worse with no relief in sight. On the other hand, forgiveness opens the door and lets the prisoner out.Forgiveness sets you free from your past. As soon as you forgive it, it's gone, you're free. If you insist on remembering the offense and never forgiving it, then you allow the person to go on offending you the rest of your life and it's your fault, not theirs.
Secondly, unforgiveness not only makes you a prisoner to your own past but unforgiveness produces bitterness. It produces bitterness. The cumulative effect of remembering without forgiveness some offense done against you no matter how brief the time or long the time is that you become a bitter person. The longer you remember the offense the more data you accumulate on it, the more recited memory you have for it the more it occupies your thinking. And the more it occupies your thinking the more it basically shapes your person. Bitterness is not just a sin, it is an infection. And it will infect your whole life. And bitterness can be directly traced to the failure to forgive. It makes you become caustic, it makes you become sarcastic. It makes you condemning. It gives you a nasty disposition, harassed by the memories of what you can't forgive, your thoughts become malignant toward others, you get a distorted view of life and you have literally diseased your whole existence. Anger begins to rage in you and it can easily get out of control. Your emotions begin to run wild. Your mind becomes the victim of that. You entertain continuing thoughts of revenge. And what happens? Even casual conversation becomes a forum for slander, a forum for gossip, a forum for innuendo against the offender and your flesh, that horrible remnant of your old self, has gained control.
I suppose this happens most notably and most frequently in marriages. Two Christians married to one another should never be divorced. They should never be separated and they should enjoy a happy relationship. That's by God's design. Now when I got married I married a sinner. What is even more unthinkable is so did my wife. And the fact of the matter is that it is an utter impossibility for us not to offend each other. It doesn't just happen now and then through the year, it happens quite regularly. But where forgiveness operates an offense is one moment in time come and gone. Where there is no forgiveness for that there is the accumulated bitterness that begins to turn you against your own partner, that makes you caustic and sarcastic. You shut off your affection, you shut off your kindness. You look for ways to get back and the bitterness results in the devastation of the relationship. Forgiveness, on the other hand, dispels bitterness and replaces it with love, joy, peace, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness and self-control. Why would anybody want to live in the prison of their past? Why would anybody want to live with accumulated bitterness that makes them violate every relationship?
There's a third thing that unforgiveness does. Unforgiveness gives Satan an open door. Unforgiveness throws the welcome mat out and invites the demons in. Where you have unresolved anger, where you have unresolved bitterness, where you have an unforgiving spirit, you have given place to the devil. Ephesians 4:26 and 27 says, "In your anger do not sin, do not let the sun go down while you're still angry and do not give the devil a foothold." The point is if you go to bed at night and you haven't fully forgiven so that your anger is gone, you will give Satan a foothold. In 2 Corinthians chapter 2 there is a very direct statement made by the Apostle Paul. In chapter 2 verse 10 he says, "I forgive, I forgive...in verse 11...in order that no advantage be taken of us by Satan for we are not ignorant of his schemes." The devil moves in to an unforgiving heart, to an unforgiving life. It is no exaggeration to say, listen carefully, it is no exaggeration to say that most...most of the ground that Satan gains in our lives is due to unforgiveness. We're not ignorant of his scheme to move in on an unforgiving attitude and destroy relationships. And frankly, you can evict all the demonic trespassers by an act of forgiveness. Why would anybody want to be in prison to their past? Why would anybody want to have the disease of bitterness to skew and discolor their life? And why would anybody want to throw the door and put out the welcome mat for demons?
Fourthly, unforgiveness hinders your fellowship with God. Unforgiveness hinders your fellowship with God. Jesus said if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. In the ongoing relationship with God if we don't forgive others He doesn't forgive us. So if I'm not right with you then I'm not right with Him. Why would I sentence myself to being anything less than in the place of maximum blessing from God? Right? What kind of foolishness is that? How idiotic can I be? Do I find some value in having God angry with me? Is there some virtue in cutting off the purity and the joy of my fellowship with God?
You see the idiocy, don't you, of an unforgiving attitude? It makes you a prisoner of your past. It gives you the all pervasive disease of bitterness. It opens the door for demons and it alienates you from the full rich fellowship that God desires to have with you. There is plenty of good reason then to be a forgiving person. If you refuse to forgive others, you forfeit fellowship with God. You open yourself to Satanic involvement. You pollute your life and steal its joy and you make yourself a victim of your own past.
This matter of forgiveness because of its significance and importance then is dealt with at great length in Scripture. There are, in fact, at least seventy-five different word pictures in the Bible about forgiveness. There are at least 75 word pictures about forgiveness in the Bible. And they're all there to help us grasp the importance or the character, the nature, the effect, something about forgiveness. Let me just give you a few of the biblical word pictures about forgiveness.
To forgive is to turn the key, open the cell door and let the prisoner out. To forgive is to write in large letters across a debt "nothing owed." To forgive is to pound the gavel in a courtroom and say "not guilty." To forgive is to shoot an arrow so high and so far that it can never be found again. To forgive is to bundle up all the garbage and all the trash and dispose of it, leaving the house clean and fresh. To forgive is to loose the moorings of a ship and release it to the open sea. To forgive is to grant a full pardon to a condemned criminal. To forgive is to relax a strangle hold on a wrestling opponent and give him his life. To forgive is to sandblast a wall of graffiti, leaving it looking like new. To forgive is to smash a clay pot into a thousand pieces so that it can never be put together again. This matter of forgiveness is very important and it's right at the very crux of your spiritual health and mine.
