Chapter 5: A Wife's Understanding of Marriage

Being of one accord with one another...what a beautiful picture that makes. A marriage where two are really walking together is an example for all who are privileged to witness it.

I was encouraged by what Martha Peace said on page 34. "Drawing closer together and growing spiritually occurs in measurable, concrete and practical ways." I am a math person so measurable and concrete sound wonderful to me. Each little step we take draws us closer to our goal. Making small changes in your demeanor, behavior and/or attitude WILL have an effect on your home. (positive changes = positive effect) Don't try to do it all at once. The first time I went through this book I read chapters over and over again...trying to absorb the material. I made small changes...What an encouragement when I saw the fruit. Obedience to God's word results not only in temporal blessings (time bound present) but also in eternal blessings. Don't give up, push through, endure. It may seem like it is two steps forward and one step back. Keep going. Confess, repent and put on the right biblical response. Keep your marriage, your husband and especially your sin issues in prayer.

Satan may attack. He usually doesn't need to bother in my case...my flesh is my own worst enemy.

For example, recently my husband bought the book The Exemplary Husband. I was, of course, delighted. I was also wary...I know my flesh. I would peek to see where he was in the book to see if he hit upon the areas that I wanted to see change. My behavior went downhill from there. My focus had changed from what could I do for him to what he was going to do for me. I had an agenda. The Lord cannot work in our hearts when our desires and our own agendas are in the way. I needed to constantly put it off, confess it and ask God to align my will with His. Keep your focus on your behavior. Make sure it is God glorifying. Spend more of your spare time (I know we say we never have spare time..but we do..ask the Lord to show you how you spend yours) in the Word. Take a book of the bible and study it. Commit to memory a portion of scripture. As a suggestion start with Romans 12:1-21 and Colossians 3:12-17. Make your deepest desire the same as the Psalmist: see page 65 and 66 for encouraging Scripture in this.

On page 37 Martha Peace discusses the process of sanctification...positional, progressive and future. She spends the most time on progressive. This is the process that you become more like Jesus. I especially liked that Mrs. Peace reminds us that our sanctification is not only a work of God as He convicts, disciplines, and enables you, but it is also a work of man as you are responsible to "grow in the grace and knowedge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" (II Peter 3:18) She points out that "grow" is an imperative verb. (a command) She goes on to point out more commands: pursue love (1 Cor 14:1) set your mind on..the things of the Spirit (Romans 8:5) (the things that God desires..his agenda not yours) "flee immorality" (1 Cor 6:18) and to "discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness" (I Tim 4:7) In other words there is much work to be done on your side. If this is your desire, God will enable you to grow spiritually by the power of the Holy Spirit. Check out the ways God helps us become more like Christ on pages 38 and 39.

The next area Martha Peace discusses is biblical reproofs for the husband and the wife's mutual sanctification. I need to tread very carefully in this area in my marriage. It is so easy for me to see the ways in which my husband falls short of the glory of God. If I must say something, I TRY to say it once and close my mouth. I attempt to choose the right time and the right wording and to be specific and hopefully leave the rest up to God. Sometimes I prefer the pray and duck method...a method my good friend shared with me several years ago. God knows what you need..what your husband needs..just give it to Him who is able in prayer with thanksgiving. (and then duck and watch the Lord work)

The part of this section (reproof section) that I found most helpful was on page 45: You can know that You are Receiving Reproof from Your Husband Sinfully When... You become angry and lash out at him. You feel hurt, resentful, and unforgiving. You focus on the things he is doing wrong. You suffer intense personal hurt. That was helpful. By the grace of God respond with humility and gentleness. What a gift to your husband and to your children. What an example of Christ. Read the benefits of responding rightly to a reproof at the bottom of page 41. These are especially helpful to read when you are in the middle of receiving one and behaving badly. Humility draws you close to God...Pride keeps you away. BE HUMBLE!