Letters to my Daughters...

To All My Daughters

Suzanne, Rebecca, Anna and Mikayla

¹⁴ But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, ¹⁵ and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
¹⁶ All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, ¹⁷ that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

2nd Timothy 3:14-17


Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

1st Timothy 6:12

so that you can say...

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:7

Much Love
Mom

Chapter 20 and 21: The Wife's Loneliness and Sorrow

I am combining these two...I can't write about one and not the other....This one is not from the book but from my heart...

Loneliness and Sorrow have been two of the greatest gifts to me from the Lord.They are what drew me closer to Him and made me realize that He is my all in all.. That He is my strong tower, my fortress, my strength and most of all my companion at all times. The One who will never leave me nor forsake me..there is nothing that man can do to me...My God is with me. Solomon writes in the Song of Solomon..."Come away with me, my love....I have learned to seek the Lord and go to Him...my bible is my friend...it is my most precious possession. I have received such comfort from the Lord through His word. I can remember reaching the top of my emotional pain scale and right at the time of my greatest suffering I realized without a shadow of a doubt that I would not trade this trial for my life to be back the way it was...No...what would cause more pain then and now would be the removal of my desire to seek Jesus...I finally wanted Jesus more than I wanted anything else! (not that there aren't battles)...but my heart truly learned that day (I can remember the moment and I can remember where I was) that fellowship with Him was to be desired above all else. I understood that my greatest joy was Him..that despite my circumstances I could rejoice in Him and live for Him.

Some of my wrong reactions to loneliness and grief were: self-pity...woe is me, a lack of thankfulness, trying to push away the feelings instead of bringing them to God, focusing on what I didn't have, discontentedness...Self-pity sends a lonely and grieving person into the pit of despair and depression...Looking outward and upward rather than inward is the only remedy. Spending time in God's word helped me renew my mind and see the loneliness and grief as an opportunity to obey God even though my feelings wanted me to do something else...It was a huge step of faith and I took very tiny steps but with each one my Lord was there to light up my darkness and show me the results of my tiny steps of faith. Loneliness and grief became my companions (Hinds feet on High Places) and that was okay because I was learning and seeing so much truth as God's word came to life for me...it also gave me opportunities to do things I wouldn't normally have tried...my focus always being on people and the gratification of being in relationships) There is much more to me today than there was 10 years ago...I have had the opportunity to spend lots and lots of time with my children, my husband and with the Lord and His word. I have developed many hobbies...drawing, writing, sewing, crocheting...Much much fruit has come from that time. I no longer see my husband as someone to fix my feelings and be my sole and only companion but as a fellow sojourner whom the Lord has graciously given me to be a helpmeet to.

In summary what did I learn through my own loneliness and sorrow...seek Jesus without ceasing...cry out and admit your need to Him. Read, study and memorize His word. Look to it as your necessary food. Look at the moment...at what God has for you to do right now...pray and by faith do it.

Just a few verses that I meditated on during that time: Owe no one anything but love...love suffers long and is kind...love does not seek its own...hopes all things, endures all things, bears all things...love never fails...let my gentleness...my bigheartedness, my willingness to overlook offenses be known to all men...commit myself to Him who judges righteously, let the Lord fight for you and you shall hold your peace..before honor is humility...humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and He will exalt you in due time casting all your cares upon Him for He cares for you, God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble...but may the God of all grace who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you..Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path...If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me," Even the night shall be light about me; psalm 130, the Lord will perfect that which concerns me, in the multitude of my anxieties within your comforts delight my soul...psalm 139....the joy of the Lord is my strength...but you O Lord are a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth...

The following verse from psalm 84 is the background music behind everything: Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, Whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca (tears or weeping) They make it a spring. The rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength, Each one appears before God in Zion..remembering that as Christians our suffering has meaning and purpose...that the Lord works all things together for good to those who love God to those who are the called according to His purpose should help us to use it as an opportunity to glorify Him and fulfill His purposes in us and through us.

Chapter 19: The Wife's Fear - Overcoming Anxiety

Psalm 94:19 In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.
Psalm 118:8 [It is] better to trust in the LORD Than to put confidence in man. (this is the very center verse of the bible)
Psalm 138:8 The LORD will perfect [that which] concerns me; Your mercy, O LORD, [endures] forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.


As I put the time in to write these posts and study what God's word says about being a Christian wife I have been so blessed. Each chapter has shown me areas where I need to be more faithful and encouraged me in other areas to not grow weary... This particular chapter has come at a time when I needed to increase my faith...to take off anxiety and fear and put on love.

In preparing for this post I have also looked at Stuart Scott's book The Exemplary Husband to see what it said about anxiety and fear.

I am going to try to keep this short and practical...

Definitions first:

Godly concern - Is focusing on today's responsibilities, others and eternal concerns. Our eyes are on the Lord. It is caring about the important things but ultimately trusting in God's faithfulness and sovereignty. It does not lead to a lack of peace and trust. (Isaiah 26:3 - You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is set on You because he trusts in You)

Ungodly concern - (anxiety) Is focusing on the future...what might happen. It is concerned with self...not others. Our eyes are not on the Lord they are on our circumstances. We are not focused on what is true and helpful and are blown about by every wind of emotion. Ungodly concern is sin.

Godly fear - fear of God and also a right and reasonable fear of danger or difficulty. The fear of God is a reverential awe of who God is. The person who has a proper fear of God will obey Him and love Him. He will face dangerous or difficult situations with the appropriate response. He lives in reality and assesses situations and how they might affect him reasonably. God is always in the picture and acknowledged. Our fear or our feelings do not keep us from doing what is right. (Psalm 56:3 - When I am afraid, I will trust in You)

Ungodly fear - Is self-focused. God is not in our thoughts. We are not thinking of others. We are lacking trust in Him and therefore sinning. When we fail to do what we know is right we are experiencing ungodly fear. When we give in to ungodly fear we are calling God a liar. Numbers 23:19 says: God [is] not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

What we should know about ungodly fear:
1. Ungodly fears are directly related to what we are thinking. Martha Peace has talked about how what we are thinking affects how we behave. Remember...sin begins in the mind...it is a process. You can either feed the thought or starve it. Take it captive or let it loose. So choose to tell yourself scripturally calming thoughts. Focus on what is good and pure and noble and right. Check out Proverbs 4:23 and Philippians 4:8.

2. Ungodly fear comes from focusing on our circumstances rather than God. We need to understand just who God is. Do a study on how God is described in the Old Testament. Study Jesus who is the Father revealed. Read about Jacob in Genesis 32:7-12...or Joshua in Numbers 13:25 - 14:5. Psalm 55:22 tells us to: Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. Another really good one is Psalm 77:4-14.

3. Ungodly fear is focused inward and therefore selfish...opposite of love. Philippians 2:4 is a good one here: Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

4. Ungodly fear is kind of like an idol in that you put IT before your fear of God. We become unfaithful...forgetting about His word and His promises. Some things you may fear more than God are man, circumstances, loss, and bodily harm. So you want man's approval, a life of ease, money, health, a person, etc., safety more than you want God.

5. Ungodly fear leads to more sin...i.e lying, following the wrong person or people...or maybe like Peter...deny your Lord.

6. Ungodly fear does not do you any good...but can cause harm. Psalm 37 tells us not to fret it only causes harm.

The more you act on your fears rather than trust in God and His word the more fearful you will become. Instead we must endure through them and obey God.

So examine yourself...stop calling your sin by another name: "being stressed out" concerned, an anxiety disorder, or my favorite "just the way I am." Figure out what makes you fearful. Confess and repent of your sins of ungodly fear to God and others whom your fear may have affected. Then renew your mind with Scripture. Find the verses that speak to your heart about your fear. Meditate on them...memorize them and bring them to mind when you see yourself falling into the trap (sin) of anxious thinking. Decide what right thoughts and actions you are going to use to fight the ones you usually have. Thoughts and scriptures here should be thankful, hopeful, trusting and loving. Ask God to really help you work in this area.

Stuart Scott, the author of the Exemplary Husband, recommends doing the following bible studies before fear hits again.

1. A study of God's sovereignty (Isaiah 46:9-11, Genesis 50:20, Jeremiah 32:27, Romans 8:28
2. A study of God's presence and care: (Joshua 1:9, Psalm 27:1-14, Psalm 23:4)
3. A study of God's sufficient grace (help) in times of trouble (Isaiah 41: 10, 2 Corinthians 12:9, Hebrews 4:16)

When you are fearful...
1. Seek the Lord and His help. Go boldly to His throne of grace for help in your time of need. (psalm 34:4 I sought the LORD, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears.)

2. Check your thought processes...are they focused on God or headed in the wrong direction? What are you fearing more than God?

3. Put on trust, responsibility and above all love...which the bible says is not only the bond of perfection but that perfect love casts out fear. Focus on God, His Word, His promises, things eternal, others, etc.

4. Stop and ask yourself what is the right thing to do...i.e. loving, trusting, helpful, constructive, responsible.

5. Endure the temptation to fear...show your love for God and others by your obedience.

6.. If you fail...confess, repent, figure out what you can do differently in the future and be on guard again. Psalm 40:8 I delight to do Your will, O my God, And Your law [is] within my heart."

Do not let your fear control you or ensnare you. You can through practice change the anxiety pattern.


You will keep [him] in perfect peace, [Whose] mind [is] stayed [on You], Because he trusts in You. You will keep [him] in perfect peace, [Whose] mind [is] stayed [on You], Because he trusts in You.