Better to Dwell in the Wilderness...

Better to dwell in the wilderness,

Than with a contentious and angry woman.—Proverbs 21:19

This verse is repeated in several different ways throughout Proverbs and none of them paint a pretty picture. One likens a quarrelsome wife to a continual dripping of rain.  Oh, may this never be said ( or thought!) about me!  To be fair though, women do not have the corner of the market on contentiousness. A lack of self-control when it comes to strong emotion is not just a woman’s problem.  It is a sin problem, and it is as rampant today as it was back when this proverb was penned.  

An angry wife, an angry husband or an angry child can make the lives of the people who live with them at best uncomfortable and, at worse, miserable or even downright impossible. The word “wilderness” here, by the way, means an uninhabitable land. For the purpose of this study I will focus on the wife, but the root sin problem and the antidote are the same for all.  

I am of one flesh with my husband.  When I am feeling something, he feels it with me. When we are not living in unity because one or both of us is being irritable, argumentative, cantankerous, irascible, or just a plain jerk, there is no joy in Mudville (as the saying goes).  As believers, we are to walk in the Spirit and not fulfill the lusts of our flesh. We are not to allow our passions to rule, but are to depend on our God’s grace to love those that God has placed in our lives. We are to consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.  We are, in effect, to point them to Christ by both our words and our actions.  

What do I do when I find myself falling into the role of the contentious woman?  I examine my heart.  I ask myself the simple question...what do you want that you are not getting?  Why that question you might ask? Because my bad attitudes ALWAYS stem from what I am not getting. What I, in my selfishness (and wrong thinking), think I deserve.  

I then remind myself of the truth.  I deserve death, and it is only by God’s grace that a place in heaven is reserved and being prepared for me.  My life then should never be one of contention, but should instead be a continuous song of praise and thanksgiving before Him.  I died, and my life is now hidden with Christ in God. I have been crucified with Him; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.  

Praying today that my heart and my home would be a soft place to fall for the precious people with which my God has blessed me.  Beloved, God is our Rock of Refuge from the tribulations and trials of this life.  A Man is our covert in the storm.  Point those you love to Him.  Be gracious and not contentious. May we, as believing wives, saved by His unmerited favor, make the words of Isaiah In Chapter 25 live in our heart and our home.

For You have been a strength to the poor,

A strength to the needy in his distress,

A refuge from the storm,

A shade from the heat;

For the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall.

5 You will reduce the noise of aliens,

As heat in a dry place;

As heat in the shadow of a cloud,

The song of the terrible ones will be diminished.—Isaiah 25:4-5

Ending with a portion of Scripture that is my go-to when it comes to relationships...

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.—Colossians 3:12-17