Romans 12:1-2

Romans 12:1-2 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. ² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

Dear Suzanne, Rebecca, Anna, and Mikayla,

This is probably the most convicting passage in the entire Bible for me. Because of all that God has done...because of His manifold mercies, our logical (reasonable) response is to offer up our bodies and very lives to Him for His glory, to lead separated lives from the world and to have our minds transformed by the word of God. Total dedication, commitment and devotion to "doing" His will is our reasonable service. We are His slaves...our only purpose being to serve Him. We are to magnify Him in our bodies and our lives. I have heard it put this way: Christ died for me the least I can do is live for Him.

Let's look at the passage more closely now.

The first 11 chapters of Romans are filled with rich theological truths....Chapters 12-16 describe to us how to live in light of these truths....here again is where the rubber meets the road...are you going to be informed or reformed by these truths.

Paul starts off with I beseech (exhort, implore, entreat) you...that means us. I find it interesting that he does not command here but beseeches or entreats for love's sake.

Paul continues: therefore, by the mercies of God, I believe after much reading that the therefore refers specifically the the doxology in in Chapter 11:33-36 specifically verse 36.

³³ Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!
³⁴ “ For who has known the mind of the LORD?
Or who has become His counselor?”^i]">[i]
³⁵ “ Or who has first given to Him
And it shall be repaid to him?”^j]">[j]
³⁶ For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen.

Because God is the source, sustainer, and the rightful end of all things that exist the only acceptable worship is to offer yourself completely to Him. (1 Cor 8:6, 1 Cor 15:28, Ephes 1:23, Ephes 4:6, Hebrews 2:10)

Mercies is defined as the outward manifestation of pity; it assumes need on the part of him who receives it, and resources adequate to meet the need on the part of him who shows it. His "mercies" are the ground upon which believers are to present their bodies a living sacrifice.  And boy do I need His mercy!

His mercies are the ground on which we are to do this...Thank God it is His mercies...John MacArthur describes his mercies as the gracious, extravagant, divine graces Paul described in Chapters 1-11...His love - He has set it upon us...we are the beloved of God, His grace - the unmerited favor God shows guilty sinners righteousness - His righteousness from God...not our own but Jesus' through His death on the cross and His gift of faith - salvation is a gift from God..it has nothing to do with anything we can do or have to achieve. This really should just melt us...Our God is so full of mercy and compassion! Could we trust anyone else with our bodies and our very lives! He is sure to use them kindly and with compassion...He is sure not to give us more than we can bear...He knows our frames.

Paul continues that you present your bodies a living sacrifice. Under the old covenant God accepted animal sacrifices. Because of Christ's ultimate sacrifice the Old Testament sacrifices are no longer accepted.

Hebrews 9:11 But Christ came as High Priest of the good things to come,^a]">[a] with the greater and more perfect tabernacle not made with hands, that is, not of this creation. ¹² Not with the blood of goats and calves, but with His own blood He entered the Most Holy Place once for all, having obtained eternal redemption. ¹³ For if the blood of bulls and goats and the ashes of a heifer, sprinkling the unclean, sanctifies for the purifying of the flesh, ¹⁴ how much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without spot to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God? ¹⁵ And for this reason He is the Mediator of the new covenant, by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions under the first covenant, that those who are called may receive the promise of the eternal inheritance.

So because of all He has done for us, because all things were created through Him and for Him we are to give him ourselves as living sacrifices. The body is to be used as a servant of the soul in service to God. God again is a gentleman. Paul writes these verses as an exhortation...he tells us that giving our bodies and souls in service to God as living sacrifices for His glory is our reasonable service...it is holy and acceptable to God. The thing about a living sacrifice is that our will needs to be completely set apart to God to do what He wants. If they are not, we will keep jumping off the altar.

How do we keep from jumping off the altar? Here is what I know. I have made it a practice to spend much time in His word. As I did this I get/got  to know Him better and in knowing Him better, I love Him more and in loving Him more I trust Him more and in trusting Him more I surrender more of my will to Him. (I decrease...He increases; or His desires become my desires)  It is a process...God uses the trials we face to wean us from those things we depend on...He pulls the rug out--so to speak-- and when we look up by faith His grace is there.  Now He doesn't hit us right away with the hard stuff...He weans us slowly and wisely and if we are in the Word and diligently seeking Him, He prepares us perfectly for what is ahead. This has been so true in my own life.  As we look into the mirror of His Word deeply we are changed and we become more like Him. 2nd Corinthians 3:18 says ¹⁸ But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. So when our minds are saturated and controlled by word of God we will know what is that good acceptable and perfect will....His will isn't hard ...it is good, acceptable and perfect. I don't know about you but I want that...I want my life to be His and not mine...my life was a mess before I came to Him.  He made the crooked places straight as I yielded my will to Him by the power of His Spirit working in my life.  He promises to complete that work. It is all Him...not us...

Philippians 1:6 being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;

Love Mom

James 1:19-25

So then,^a]">[a] my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; ²⁰ for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.
²¹ Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls.
²² But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. ²³ For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man observing his natural face in a mirror; ²⁴ for he observes himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of man he was. ²⁵ But he who looks into the perfect law of liberty and continues in it, and is not a forgetful hearer but a doer of the work, this one will be blessed in what he does.
James 1:19-25

Dear Suzanne, Rebecca, Anna and Mikayla

Some good advice from James as we begin...(You will notice the date on this entry is November 2, 2009...just before Nana arrived...just before our precious little Jordan was born.  I am not sure why I didn't publish this but I am now...I am sure the Sovereign Lord has His reasons!)

James is such a practical book! It is where the rubber meets the road. Are we a hearer of the Word only? Do we really live what we profess to believe? What our hearts believe, will be reflected in our lives...our actions will follow the beliefs of our hearts. Our faith is something to be believed and acted upon. If it doesn't result in works and a changed life then our faith is dead. If we love God, we will obey His commandments.

John 14:23 Jesus answered and said to him, “If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him.

As we begin this study let us bow our hearts and ask God that by the power of His Holy Spirit we would become doers of His word and not hearers only. That His hearts desire for us would be our heart's desire. That we would get up each day, strengthen ourselves in His word and commit our way to Him. That are hearts would be completely His dedicated to doing His will.

James in the above verses speaks of the "implanted" word. Our heart is the soil or planting ground. The word of God can't work in our hearts unless it is received in the right way. James tells us that we need to receive it with meekness. That word meekness means that you accept it without argument. You don't make it say what you want it to say and you remember what it says in Psalm 138:2. For You have magnified Your word above all Your name. It is through His word that God reveals to us who He is and brings us into a relationship with Him. (Romans 10:17 So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God).

Jesus tells in Luke 8:18 to take heed how we hear. Some people hear but they do not hear or understand...they have become as it says in Hebrews "dull of hearing". How does this happen? I think their spiritual life deteriorates because they read or listen to the word and lightly esteem it. 1st Thessalonians 2:13 says ¹³ For this reason we also thank God without ceasing, because when you received the word of God which you heard from us, you welcomed it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, which also effectively works in you who believe.

So in order to receive the word and have it take root lets listen to the guidance that James gives us.

"Swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" Sigh! For most of us the opposite is true, isn't it? We are slow to hear, quick to speak and quick to wrath. Which kind of person would you rather be around. Or better yet...which kind of person would you rather teach? I remember instructing each one of you on how to do certain things when you were young. Many times your reactions made you unteachable. You started asking to do what I was showing you before I was through showing you. You were not patient and when I made you wait you got angry. The Lord goes through the same things with each of us. Just like it is impossible to show a child something when his attitude is wrong, it is also not possible for God to put His word in your heart and teach you His ways when you think you know best or don't need His help. God will never force Himself on you...He is a gentleman and waits for you to ask. And just like a child reaches that point when they give up realizing they do in fact need your help; He also waits for you to reach that point where you know you need Him and call out for help.

I know I was quick to hear your cries or hear something that was important to me, but am I quick to hear God speak to my heart through His word. God wants us to be swift to hear what He has to say and slow to speak. He wants us to let it sink deep down into our hearts and meditate on it letting the Holy Spirit guide knowing that it is from Him who desires only our good.

Proverbs 10:19 tells us that in the multitude of words sin is not lacking. Many times we give excuses either out loud or in our hearts when we hear God's word...we may not even be aware sometimes that this is our pattern. We think that Jesus doesn't know our "special" situation and circumstances. If he did, He would look the other way. God cannot look the other way. He is a holy and just God. We must say the same thing about our sin that He says about it. We must not make excuses or argue with Him but repent and turn from it.

The bible tells us anger rests in the bosom of fools and that He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. Many times we get angry at God's word because it reveals our sin to us. We rebel against it or avoid it because it tells us the truth about who we are and we do not want to come into the light and see because we love our sin more than we love God. We do not want to give it up. John 3:19-21 says it all: ¹⁹ And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. ²⁰ For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. ²¹ But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God.”

There is a godly righteous anger on behalf of others or against sin and this type of anger is commanded. (Ephesians 4:26) but even that type of anger we are warned not to let the sun go down on. Most of the anger that we experience, however, is not righteous anger but is unrighteous and selfish...we are angry because we are offended...it is on our own behalf. James tells that man's anger does not produce God's righteousness. So many biblical reasons not to respond in anger but the one given here is simply that it is not productive. It doesn't work. In fact it makes you go backward in your relationships. Okay...so sometimes it does work for the moment to get people moving and doing what you want them to do, but at what cost?

So how do we do this you ask? Read on...James 1:21 compares the human heart to a garden...okay... I don't have very much experience with gardening but this past spring Mikayla wanted a small garden to grow some vegetables. As you all know our yard gets very little sun...the one place that does receive the sun had previously been a place where years ago garbage had been buried. (1880 homes are not all they are cracked up to be) Before we could plant or sow anything the soil had to be prepared. The glass, rock, pottery and other debris had to be removed and the soil turned over and softened. We need to do this before we receive the word of God. Confess our sin, ask God for forgiveness, meditate on His goodness, and ask him to soften the hard spots in our hearts. Then and only then can we receive it with meekness..or without argument being quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to wrath.



The last section of this passage talks of practicing the word. This is truly where the rubber meets the road. It is not enough for us to hear the word; we must do it. James tells us in verse 22 that if we are hearers only we are deceiving ourselves. Sometimes we think reading the bible or going to a bible study is enough...but if we don't take it a step further our lack of action reveals the deadness of our faith. What our heart believes our lives will reflect.

How do you look into the mirror of the word. Do you take a quick look and just glance at it or maybe you read a chapter a day because your conscience would bother you if you didn't. Warren Wiersbe makes an excellent point here. Your conscience should bother you because you are looking into the word carelessly. We need to gaze deeply into the mirror and really let the Lord reveal what He wants us to see. We are less likely to forget what we see if we really let the word of God reveal our hearts to us. Psalm 139:23-24 tells us to: Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; ²⁴ And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting.

As we read, study and meditate on God's word we are transformed into His image. We become more like Him! Romans 12:2.

2nd Corinthians 3:18 says this: ¹⁸ But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

So as we look into the mirror of the word we undergo a metamorphosis...a change on the outside that comes from the inside. Christ on the inside is revealed on the outside. Spending more time in the word makes you become more and more beautiful...not a bad deal!

In verse 25 James refers to the word as the perfect law of liberty. Why because it frees us as we obey it. John 8:34: Jesus answered them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, whoever commits sin is a slave of sin. ³⁵ And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. ³⁶ Therefore if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed. Psalm 119:45 says that we walk at liberty as we obey his precepts. So if we continue in obedience to the word we will blessed in what we do. The blessing comes in the doing...the practice of the word...not the reading. So after looking into the mirror...and hopefully really seeing what you look like....we will do what God says...DO the word. C.S. Lewis had this to say about "acting" in Screwtape Letters.

"Let him do anything but act. No amount of piety in his
imagination and affections will harm us if we can keep it out of his will. As
one of the humans has said, active habits are strengthened by repetition but
passive ones are weakened. The more often he feels without acting, the less he
will be able ever to act, and, in the long run, the less he will be able to
feel."

Love Mom

Isaiah 41: For Toni...as you begin your journey tomorrow...love jean

I have been thinking on Isaiah 41 since this morning when we prayed and you shared your thoughts with me.  What beautiful promises for God's servants.  The Jewish people are no different from us. They probably thought of many reasons to fear as they begin their long journey home.  The reason not to fear, however, is a very big one...The Lord was with them and would go before them and work on their behalf.  The Lord is with you...Toni...He tells us three times in this chapter to fear not.


Isaiah 41:10  Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you,  I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.’

Isaiah 41:13 ¹³ For I, the LORD your God, will hold your right hand, Saying to you, ‘Fear not, I will help you.’

 Isaiah 41:14 Fear not, you worm Jacob,You men of Israel! I will help you,” says the LORD And your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel.

He calls them my servant...which is honorable...but then he calls them a worm. We are His servants by God's grace.  Worms are who we are in ourselves. They went ahead in faith and made ...this is my favorite part...mountains into molehills...This is my prayer for you...a servant of God by His grace that you will walk by faith and by His grace make this mountain you are facing a molehill.  Then there is also the picture Isaiah gives of a desert becoming a garden.  That so reminds me of Psalm 84:

⁵ Blessed is the man whose strength is in You,
         Whose heart is set on pilgrimage.
 ⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baca,
         They make it a spring;
         The rain also covers it with pools.
 ⁷ They go from strength to strength;
         Each one appears before God in Zion.

Toni...He will perfect those things that concern you...He will be your rear guard...your Light in the darkness...Your strength and your song...He will make the crooked places straight.  Our God will do it...He is faithful...His grace will be there in the nick of time...Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

Next, the Israelites looked ahead as we always do and become anxious...(21-29) Our God knows the future...He has everything under control...no need to worry...His love and His plans for us are perfect.I think of what Warren Wiersbe says here about Psalm 33:11..His plans come from His heart and His heart is one of love for us...so we need not fear.

I read the following on Randy Alcorn's blog.  It was part of an email sent to him by Sono Harris (Gregg Harris' wife and Joshua Harris' mom) to encourage him during a bout he was having with depression. The entire email is encouraging but here is how she ended it:

"Oh, Randy, it seems that His servants who are used in special ways often experience commensurate trials.  These trials are simultaneously burdens God gives to keep them utterly dependent; and thorns which pin back the veil that hides His face.  In a fallen world, they are gifts."

How beautiful is that....thinking and praying for you tomorrow.

Thoughts on fruit...Galatians 5:22-23

Galatians 5:22-23  But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.

What is the purpose of our life here on earth? The Bible tells us it is to glorify our Father in heaven by bearing fruit. John 15:8 By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit; 

Again, as with my last post, all I need do is look to Jesus to confirm this.  What did He do...He spoke and did only those things that His Father told Him. He emptied Himself and became obedient to the Father even to the point of death...the death of the cross.  In fact, WE WHO BELIEVE, the Bible tells us are His fruit. We are the joy that was set before Him! We are the reason He willingly laid down His life! Ephesians 2:4 But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, ⁵ even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), ⁶ and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, ⁷ that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not of works, lest anyone should boast. ¹⁰ For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

A word on what fruit is and what it is not...

Fruit is born of the Spirit...it is not produced by human effort..it comes from a life submitted God as Jesus was submitted to the Father.  It comes from a life spent in study, prayer and meditation of the Scripture.  Fruit can be distinguished from works because fruit has life in it...it bears more fruit...works do not.  Fruit glorifies God not man. It nourishes those around you and points them to Jesus. (not to you) Works are of the flesh and the Bible tells us that in the flesh nothing good dwells.  (see the verses immediately preceding Galatians 5:22 for the works of the flesh) Even the word "work" implies sweat but the word "fruit" implies something that obviously grows and develops over time and is beautiful. The fruit discussed in Galatians is the fruit of character...becoming like Jesus. And fruit is singular...the first fruit is love...divine love...sacrificial love and the others (joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control) all flow from that love. And as in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 all can be used to describe Jesus. Fruit is produced in the life of a believer as he beholds His Savior.   But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.-- 2nd Corinthians 3:18   It is a product of moment by moment decisions in a believer's life to surrender his will to God and walk in His Spirit.

What does the Bible say about bearing fruit:


John 15:4-5 says this:  Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me.“I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in Me, and I in him, bears much fruit; for without Me you can do nothing.

So in order to produce fruit we need to abide...to abide means to dwell with...all you really need to do to abide is to spend time with Jesus! Stay close...This was such a relief to me...I do not have to get up in the morning and say...what can I do today to produce fruit...I don't have to grit my teeth or do lots of works...I just have to stay close to Him. How do I stay close...by spending time in His word. As I do that the fruit is produced...it takes time...but it comes...then more fruit, then much fruit. I like to think of the tree in Psalm 1.  But his delight is in the law of the LORD, And in His law he meditates day and night.³ He shall be like a tree Planted by the rivers of water, That brings forth its fruit in its season, Whose leaf also shall not wither; And whatever he does shall prosper. What a beautiful picture of how a believer should look as he makes a practice of spending time with Jesus. 


What does the Bible say about abiding in Him as it relates to obeying Him: John 15:10  says: ¹⁰ If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love. So those moment by moment decisions we make to do what the Lord is telling us to do at any given point in time.


What does it say about obeying Him as it relates to loving Him: John 14:23 says,“If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him. ²⁴ He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father’s who sent Me. So if we love Him, we WILL keep (obey) His word.  If there are areas of our lives then where we are not in obedience to the Word than we are putting those things before Jesus. In essence we are saying that we love them more than we love Him!

What does the Bible say about loving Him as it relates to knowing Him?  John 15:12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. ¹³ Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. ¹⁴ You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. ¹⁵ No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you.   God reveals Himself to us in His Word as we diligently seek Him.

How do I bear fruit...by abiding...how do I abide...by obeying...how do I obey...by loving Him...how do I love Him...by knowing Him through His word...Stay the course...Stay close to Jesus...immerse yourself in His Word...the fruit will come and it will be precious.  

James 5:7 Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. See how the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain. ⁸ You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.


     

Galatians 1: 11-15

I just began reading in Galatians and have decided that I am going to camp out there for a while. I am also spending time in Isaiah and am being blessed especially through the memorization of the Servant songs. In reading Galatians 1 there were many verses that captured my attention and spoke to my heart. Galatians 1: 11-15 is one of them. It reads:

¹¹ But I make known to you, brethren, that the gospel which was preached by me is not according to man. ¹² For I neither received it from man, nor was I taught it, but it came through the revelation of Jesus Christ.
¹³ For you have heard of my former conduct in Judaism, how I persecuted the church of God beyond measure and tried to destroy it. ¹⁴ And I advanced in Judaism beyond many of my contemporaries in my own nation, being more exceedingly zealous for the traditions of my fathers.
¹⁵ But when it pleased God, who separated me from my mother’s womb and called me through His grace, ¹⁶ to reveal His Son in me, that I might preach Him among the Gentiles, I did not immediately confer with flesh and blood, ¹⁷ nor did I go up to Jerusalem to those who were apostles before me; but I went to Arabia, and returned again to Damascus.

I loved reading this! Even though Paul lived so long ago and lived such a different life than the one that I live, we have had a very similar experience when we came to know Him! I understand exactly what he means when he says "for you have heard of my former conduct..." Paul is incredulous about the change that has occurred in His heart  He understands that this change had nothing to do with anything he did or even tried to do...he understands that it was all God. Paul says it best in Romans 1:16 when he says it is the "power of God to salvation to everyone who believes." It is a miracle of miracles when God changes your heart.

My own testimony is so similar to Paul's. When I cried out to God in desperation...not even believing that there really was a God...but just crying out in the thin hope that if there was He would hear me and HE DID! Psalm 40 says:

¹ I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
² He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
³ He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the LORD.

Truly this is what happened to me as I sat on my couch with a bible I had just purchased in desperation. I began to read in Genesis 1 and then in a blink of an eye...God was there and changed my heart. There was no human explanation. I had tried every self-help book imaginable...God just reached down and pulled me up out of my own misery and selfish desires...So many things were changed at that moment. It was like a veil was lifted that had been over my understanding and now i understood...now the world made sense...everything that had been important before fell away and was replaced by the awesomeness of what was happening in my heart. The God of the universe had come to dwell and I would never be the same. The emptiness that I had felt just minutes ago was filled to overflowing...Jesus was there...My life was in the proper order now and my joy was full. Jesus was at the center.

Now when all this occurred to me in that moment I did not understand it. The only thing I knew was that many of my lifelong beliefs had changed dramatically, the sadness and grief I had been feeling were comforted and in perspective and all this through no effort of my own. I also had an overwhelming, irresistible desire to read His word. I took it everywhere...it was on my lap while I worked, at the table when I ate, under my pillow when I slept...I could not get enough of it...it was my necessary food...and remember I was in Genesis..a book I had tried to read many times in my life to see what all the fuss was about...you know...why the bible was a best selling book. It never made sense until I cried out to God in helplessness and need...until I saw my sin and was devastated. What was even more beautiful was the change that I then saw in my husband's heart and then in my daughter Suzanne's. You see this change in me was not seen only by me, it was seen by my husband who was bit afraid and definitely intrigued. There was something SO different about me that this avowed God hater picked up the bible and read it cover to cover in ONE month!  I love what it says in Ephesians 2:

⁴ But God, who is rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, ⁵ even when we were dead in trespasses, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved), ⁶ and raised us up together, and made us sit together in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, ⁷ that in the ages to come He might show the exceeding riches of His grace in His kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. ⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not of works, lest anyone should boast. ¹⁰ For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

The rest is history...my life now and my life before. The first one living for myself and my own selfish desires which is the worst kind of bondage and in the end the Bible says leads to death versus my life now after God reached down and took charge ...the one I now live for Him by His grace. He has brought beauty from ashes. I am a bondservant which is a voluntary slave, to Him...leading not only to life everlasting but to all that He has for me in this life because as it says in Philippians 1: ⁶ being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ.

What did I need to do for this miracle to occur in my heart. I needed to cry out to God, to admit my need, to admit to him that I am a sinner in need of His salvation. I needed to ask Him to come in to my heart and be my Lord. Now I really did none of this sitting on the couch that evening, but God who knows my heart saw it all and graciously reached down and saved me. Anything good you might see in me is Him!

Letters to my Daughters...

To All My Daughters

Suzanne, Rebecca, Anna and Mikayla

¹⁴ But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned them, ¹⁵ and that from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.
¹⁶ All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, ¹⁷ that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work.

2nd Timothy 3:14-17


Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

1st Timothy 6:12

so that you can say...

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

2 Timothy 4:7

Much Love
Mom

Chapter 20 and 21: The Wife's Loneliness and Sorrow

I am combining these two...I can't write about one and not the other....This one is not from the book but from my heart...

Loneliness and Sorrow have been two of the greatest gifts to me from the Lord.They are what drew me closer to Him and made me realize that He is my all in all.. That He is my strong tower, my fortress, my strength and most of all my companion at all times. The One who will never leave me nor forsake me..there is nothing that man can do to me...My God is with me. Solomon writes in the Song of Solomon..."Come away with me, my love....I have learned to seek the Lord and go to Him...my bible is my friend...it is my most precious possession. I have received such comfort from the Lord through His word. I can remember reaching the top of my emotional pain scale and right at the time of my greatest suffering I realized without a shadow of a doubt that I would not trade this trial for my life to be back the way it was...No...what would cause more pain then and now would be the removal of my desire to seek Jesus...I finally wanted Jesus more than I wanted anything else! (not that there aren't battles)...but my heart truly learned that day (I can remember the moment and I can remember where I was) that fellowship with Him was to be desired above all else. I understood that my greatest joy was Him..that despite my circumstances I could rejoice in Him and live for Him.

Some of my wrong reactions to loneliness and grief were: self-pity...woe is me, a lack of thankfulness, trying to push away the feelings instead of bringing them to God, focusing on what I didn't have, discontentedness...Self-pity sends a lonely and grieving person into the pit of despair and depression...Looking outward and upward rather than inward is the only remedy. Spending time in God's word helped me renew my mind and see the loneliness and grief as an opportunity to obey God even though my feelings wanted me to do something else...It was a huge step of faith and I took very tiny steps but with each one my Lord was there to light up my darkness and show me the results of my tiny steps of faith. Loneliness and grief became my companions (Hinds feet on High Places) and that was okay because I was learning and seeing so much truth as God's word came to life for me...it also gave me opportunities to do things I wouldn't normally have tried...my focus always being on people and the gratification of being in relationships) There is much more to me today than there was 10 years ago...I have had the opportunity to spend lots and lots of time with my children, my husband and with the Lord and His word. I have developed many hobbies...drawing, writing, sewing, crocheting...Much much fruit has come from that time. I no longer see my husband as someone to fix my feelings and be my sole and only companion but as a fellow sojourner whom the Lord has graciously given me to be a helpmeet to.

In summary what did I learn through my own loneliness and sorrow...seek Jesus without ceasing...cry out and admit your need to Him. Read, study and memorize His word. Look to it as your necessary food. Look at the moment...at what God has for you to do right now...pray and by faith do it.

Just a few verses that I meditated on during that time: Owe no one anything but love...love suffers long and is kind...love does not seek its own...hopes all things, endures all things, bears all things...love never fails...let my gentleness...my bigheartedness, my willingness to overlook offenses be known to all men...commit myself to Him who judges righteously, let the Lord fight for you and you shall hold your peace..before honor is humility...humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and He will exalt you in due time casting all your cares upon Him for He cares for you, God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble...but may the God of all grace who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen and settle you..Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path...If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me," Even the night shall be light about me; psalm 130, the Lord will perfect that which concerns me, in the multitude of my anxieties within your comforts delight my soul...psalm 139....the joy of the Lord is my strength...but you O Lord are a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering and abundant in mercy and truth...

The following verse from psalm 84 is the background music behind everything: Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, Whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca (tears or weeping) They make it a spring. The rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength, Each one appears before God in Zion..remembering that as Christians our suffering has meaning and purpose...that the Lord works all things together for good to those who love God to those who are the called according to His purpose should help us to use it as an opportunity to glorify Him and fulfill His purposes in us and through us.

Chapter 19: The Wife's Fear - Overcoming Anxiety

Psalm 94:19 In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.
Psalm 118:8 [It is] better to trust in the LORD Than to put confidence in man. (this is the very center verse of the bible)
Psalm 138:8 The LORD will perfect [that which] concerns me; Your mercy, O LORD, [endures] forever; Do not forsake the works of Your hands.


As I put the time in to write these posts and study what God's word says about being a Christian wife I have been so blessed. Each chapter has shown me areas where I need to be more faithful and encouraged me in other areas to not grow weary... This particular chapter has come at a time when I needed to increase my faith...to take off anxiety and fear and put on love.

In preparing for this post I have also looked at Stuart Scott's book The Exemplary Husband to see what it said about anxiety and fear.

I am going to try to keep this short and practical...

Definitions first:

Godly concern - Is focusing on today's responsibilities, others and eternal concerns. Our eyes are on the Lord. It is caring about the important things but ultimately trusting in God's faithfulness and sovereignty. It does not lead to a lack of peace and trust. (Isaiah 26:3 - You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is set on You because he trusts in You)

Ungodly concern - (anxiety) Is focusing on the future...what might happen. It is concerned with self...not others. Our eyes are not on the Lord they are on our circumstances. We are not focused on what is true and helpful and are blown about by every wind of emotion. Ungodly concern is sin.

Godly fear - fear of God and also a right and reasonable fear of danger or difficulty. The fear of God is a reverential awe of who God is. The person who has a proper fear of God will obey Him and love Him. He will face dangerous or difficult situations with the appropriate response. He lives in reality and assesses situations and how they might affect him reasonably. God is always in the picture and acknowledged. Our fear or our feelings do not keep us from doing what is right. (Psalm 56:3 - When I am afraid, I will trust in You)

Ungodly fear - Is self-focused. God is not in our thoughts. We are not thinking of others. We are lacking trust in Him and therefore sinning. When we fail to do what we know is right we are experiencing ungodly fear. When we give in to ungodly fear we are calling God a liar. Numbers 23:19 says: God [is] not a man, that He should lie, Nor a son of man, that He should repent. Has He said, and will He not do? Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?

What we should know about ungodly fear:
1. Ungodly fears are directly related to what we are thinking. Martha Peace has talked about how what we are thinking affects how we behave. Remember...sin begins in the mind...it is a process. You can either feed the thought or starve it. Take it captive or let it loose. So choose to tell yourself scripturally calming thoughts. Focus on what is good and pure and noble and right. Check out Proverbs 4:23 and Philippians 4:8.

2. Ungodly fear comes from focusing on our circumstances rather than God. We need to understand just who God is. Do a study on how God is described in the Old Testament. Study Jesus who is the Father revealed. Read about Jacob in Genesis 32:7-12...or Joshua in Numbers 13:25 - 14:5. Psalm 55:22 tells us to: Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. Another really good one is Psalm 77:4-14.

3. Ungodly fear is focused inward and therefore selfish...opposite of love. Philippians 2:4 is a good one here: Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

4. Ungodly fear is kind of like an idol in that you put IT before your fear of God. We become unfaithful...forgetting about His word and His promises. Some things you may fear more than God are man, circumstances, loss, and bodily harm. So you want man's approval, a life of ease, money, health, a person, etc., safety more than you want God.

5. Ungodly fear leads to more sin...i.e lying, following the wrong person or people...or maybe like Peter...deny your Lord.

6. Ungodly fear does not do you any good...but can cause harm. Psalm 37 tells us not to fret it only causes harm.

The more you act on your fears rather than trust in God and His word the more fearful you will become. Instead we must endure through them and obey God.

So examine yourself...stop calling your sin by another name: "being stressed out" concerned, an anxiety disorder, or my favorite "just the way I am." Figure out what makes you fearful. Confess and repent of your sins of ungodly fear to God and others whom your fear may have affected. Then renew your mind with Scripture. Find the verses that speak to your heart about your fear. Meditate on them...memorize them and bring them to mind when you see yourself falling into the trap (sin) of anxious thinking. Decide what right thoughts and actions you are going to use to fight the ones you usually have. Thoughts and scriptures here should be thankful, hopeful, trusting and loving. Ask God to really help you work in this area.

Stuart Scott, the author of the Exemplary Husband, recommends doing the following bible studies before fear hits again.

1. A study of God's sovereignty (Isaiah 46:9-11, Genesis 50:20, Jeremiah 32:27, Romans 8:28
2. A study of God's presence and care: (Joshua 1:9, Psalm 27:1-14, Psalm 23:4)
3. A study of God's sufficient grace (help) in times of trouble (Isaiah 41: 10, 2 Corinthians 12:9, Hebrews 4:16)

When you are fearful...
1. Seek the Lord and His help. Go boldly to His throne of grace for help in your time of need. (psalm 34:4 I sought the LORD, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears.)

2. Check your thought processes...are they focused on God or headed in the wrong direction? What are you fearing more than God?

3. Put on trust, responsibility and above all love...which the bible says is not only the bond of perfection but that perfect love casts out fear. Focus on God, His Word, His promises, things eternal, others, etc.

4. Stop and ask yourself what is the right thing to do...i.e. loving, trusting, helpful, constructive, responsible.

5. Endure the temptation to fear...show your love for God and others by your obedience.

6.. If you fail...confess, repent, figure out what you can do differently in the future and be on guard again. Psalm 40:8 I delight to do Your will, O my God, And Your law [is] within my heart."

Do not let your fear control you or ensnare you. You can through practice change the anxiety pattern.


You will keep [him] in perfect peace, [Whose] mind [is] stayed [on You], Because he trusts in You. You will keep [him] in perfect peace, [Whose] mind [is] stayed [on You], Because he trusts in You.

Chapter 18: The Wife's Anger - Overcoming Impatience

Psalm 103:8 The LORD [is] merciful and gracious, Slow to anger, and abounding in mercy.

If you have been spending some time reading and rereading the various chapters of this book and applying the biblical principles in your daily life, you may have noticed that you struggle more "in doing the right thing" in some areas than others. If that is the case, (it was for me) then the next few chapters are for you. In these Martha Peace discusses some special concerns (or sins) that a wife may have. The wife's anger is the first concern addressed.

The bible talks about two kinds of anger righteous and unrighteous. Rarely are we righteously anger. If we are, we are not sinning, are completely controlled by the Spirit of God and are not thinking of ourselves. So an angry person reacts selfishly and is not Spirit controlled but rather self controlled in order to achieve his own end. People express their anger in a number of different ways...Some of them are obvious: yelling, throwing things around, telling someone off, cursing, abusive speech, and hitting. Some are quieter and may be harder to notice but sinful nevertheless: silent treatment, glare, meditating on wrong thoughts, eye rolling, snorting, frustration, and irritation.

Outlined below are some reasons not to respond in anger...

Anger destroys trust and is forbidden by Scripture. (Matt 5:22) It is a destroyer of relationships and is a betrayal to those you love whom God has placed in your care. If you succumb to outbursts of wrath, however infrequently, you are undermining your relationship with your family. Your children need to feel safe with you. They need to know and believe that you will act with their best interests at heart. Safe enough to come to you when they have done wrong and want to talk about it, safe enough to trust you with their feelings, safe enough with you to know that you are their soft place to fall and most of all safe enough with you to relax and be themselves around you. It is the same for your husband. The heart of your husband should safely trust you.

Anger is a grievous sin. Like any sin anger begins in the heart. Our heart is sometimes referred to as the seat of our will. Our thoughts, motives and intentions reside there. Because anger begins here...it is a deliberate willful action. Although, your sudden outbursts of wrath may not seem to involve any conscious decision on your part...they always do. If this is the case, it will take some time of diligently putting it off to change the pattern.

Matt 15:19 says this: For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, blasphemies.

Anger is not productive The Bible says in James that the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. It doesn't work...in fact it makes you go backward in your relationships. Okay...so sometimes it does work for the moment to get people moving and doing what you want them to do, but at what cost?

Anger gets stronger with use and feeds our flesh. Contrary to popular belief it is not a good idea to express or vent anger. Anger is a deed of the flesh and as such gets stronger with expression. Instead starve it...make it weaker. Living according to the flesh sets our minds on the things of the flesh (Romans 8:5) but focusing on the Spirit sets our minds on the things above....what is important to God.

Anger is productive in bearing the wrong kind of fruit. You will also notice that in addition to anger getting stronger as it is vented it also causes you to sin in other ways.

Colossians 3:8 says: But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.

Think of all those things you say in anger that you regret...the tone of voice you use that is less than respectful...the language. Anger compounds your sin and defiles those around you.

Being more specific anger is connected to pride...
Proverb 21:24 A proud [and] haughty [man]--"Scoffer" [is] his name; He acts with arrogant pride.

To Cruelty...Genesis 49:7 Cursed [be] their anger, for [it is] fierce; And their wrath, for it is cruel! I will divide them in Jacob And scatter them in Israel.
Proverbs 27:4 Wrath [is] cruel and anger a torrent, But who [is] able to stand before jealousy?

To Clamour and evil-speaking: Ephesians 4:31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.

To Malice and blasphemy: Col 3:8 But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.

To Strife and contention: Proverbs 21:19 Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman.
Proverbs 29:22 An angry man stirs up strife, And a furious man abounds in transgression.
Proverbs 30:33 For [as] the churning of milk produces butter, And wringing the nose produces blood, So the forcing of wrath produces strife.

Anger brings its own punishment.

Job 5:2 For wrath kills a foolish man, And envy slays a simple one.
Proverbs 19:19 [A man of] great wrath will suffer punishment; For if you rescue [him], you will have to do it again.
Proverbs 25:28 Whoever [has] no rule over his own spirit [Is like] a city broken down, without walls.
Psalm 37:8 Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret--[it] only [causes] harm.

Anger stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
Galatians 5:15 But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!

Anger is a characteristic of fools. This one works best for me because I am prideful and abhor thinking myself a fool. :D Any port in a storm though...

Proverbs 12:16 A fool's wrath is known at once, But a prudent [man] covers shame.
Proverbs 14:29 [He who is] slow to wrath has great understanding, But [he who is] impulsive exalts folly.
Proverbs 27:3A stone [is] heavy and sand [is] weighty, But a fool's wrath [is] heavier than both of them.
Eccl 7:9 Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools.

How can anger be averted or changed to gentleness?
I LOVED Martha Peace's scriptural method for changing problem character issues...a.k.a...sin. :D

All Scripture [is] given by inspiration of God, and [is] profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, 2nd Timothy 3:16

Memorize and use it for any character trait...It is God's recipe for character training. Teach it to your kids...

First is doctrine or teaching...find out what God says about anger or any other sin struggle in your life. Memorize and meditate on those scriptures of particular relevance to you. Spend some time here...Really find out what the bible says about a certain topic. It helps also to look at the opposite character trait. For example, the opposites of anger are meekness, humility and patience. Studying what the bible has to say about these will help you put off your anger and put on the right biblical virtues. (I have found that the Thompson Chain reference is great for this kind of study as well as the Blue Letter Bible available on the net.) Let the water of the word flow over you and teach you and thereby convict you. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God. Romans 12:2

Second is reproof...A reproof is simply having someone tell you (or you tell yourself) what you are doing wrong according to Scripture) Be accountable to someone if you can who is available to point out the problem when it is evident. If not be on your guard, yourself. It should be a very matter of fact process...here is what you or (I) did...here is what the bible says. It really does help to write down what you were thinking right away when you get angry. It will help you see where your thinking was not biblical and more readily see the appropriate correction.

Next is correction....replace the wrong words or actions with the right ones. Confess each angry incident to God. Keep humbling yourself before Him and asking for His grace and mercy. Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16

Use your word studies and verse memorization from the teaching step to help you here in finding the right traits to put on. Martha Peace gives us some good examples of wrong thoughts vs right thoughts on page 213 and 214.

The last step is training in righteousness. This is the hardest. This is the one that takes discipline..you are the one who needs to be consistently ruthless with your sin and diligently apply yourself to the study of the word of God. This is where the next verse in 2nd Timothy comes into play. That the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work. 2 Timothy 3:17 Our goal is to be more and more like our Lord Jesus Christ...we are to be holy as He is holy. Gal 6:9 tells us...And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

An earlier verse in 2nd Timothy calls for continuing in these things..But you must continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of, knowing from whom you have learned [them], 2nd Timothy 3:14.

Remember why we are here on this earth...to glorify our Father in Heaven...To somehow, through His grace, reflect a little bit of His light to those God has placed in our lives. So...

Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:16

AND

Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, Philippians 2:14-15

Chapter 17 Conflict: Quietness of the Wife's Spirit

Proverbs 17:14 The beginning of strife [is like] releasing water; Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.

Prov 20:3 [It is] honorable for a man to stop striving, Since any fool can start a quarrel.

Read a few more to get warmed to the subject. :D

Proverbs 21:9 Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.

Proverb 21:19 Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman.

Proverbs 27:15 A continual dripping on a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike;

Prov 13:10 By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised [is] wisdom.

Are we getting the message? The Lord repeats this theme in a multiple of ways over and over again in His word. (Kinda like we do with our kids, sometimes) He must really want us to hear it.

If only we could remember just at the beginning of a conflict what an impact we have on our families by the way we respond. Many of us respond to our husbands in ways we wouldn't even consider responding to a friend or someone outside our home. It is not a question of knowing how to respond...I think most of us know how to respond. Sometimes, however, with those closest to us we get lazy. We forget God's purpose for us. We were created to be helpmates for our husbands and the caretaker of the home and children. Responding with anything other than a humble and gentle spirit then is rebellion against God's perfect will for us.

Hear this next part...it is important. What you communicate to your children through your relationship with your husband will stay with them for the rest of their lives. That should be a sobering thought. Children will learn all the fundamental lessons of love, forgiveness, joy, humility, compassion, patience, self-sacrifice, virtue, sin...I could go on...from observing their parents interact. What YOU teach them right or wrong will be rooted deep in their hearts. If you are patient, your children will be patient. If you are loving and compassionate, your children will display these qualities. If you turn to Jesus for help, so will they.

As wives do what you can to send the right messages to your kids. Don't say...but my husband...change your behavior...NOW. Don't look back...press on for the prize of the upward calling of God in Christ Jesus. Answer your husband with grace and humility. Let your gentleness, as the bible says in Philippians, be known. Are you known as a gentle woman in your household? I am not, but oh, how I long to be.

Don't look at what the cost of behaving this way will be to your pride. Yeah, it will be humiliating ... focus on the results. What will be the outcome or fruit of your changed reactions. Sometimes we can get so embroiled in conflict that we can no longer see the big picture. The next time a conflict starts try to step back and view it as a play in which you want the godly outcome. Put aside your own offense and make the sacrifice of righteousness. Again do not concern yourself with how others in your household react....YOU respond rightly...You be the first to change...and see what the Lord will do with your obedience and faithfulness.

NOTE: I wrote the above on my palm in my car while waiting for one of my daughter's classes to finish. I was tested as soon as I arrived home on this. I failed miserably. It is clear to me that this is an area that Satan does not want us to persevere and will do what he can to condemn and thwart our efforts. Look up! Press on! Make a practice of having a gentle and quiet spirit. Most of all remember that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Be convicted but not condemned.

In Chapter 16 we discussed how our wrong words are generated from our wrong thoughts. Martha Peace gives us some self-justifying thoughts that hinder our ability to solve conflicts. As Christians we are called to endure. In order to do this we need to renew our mind with Scripture. Some excellent examples of this strategy are given on pages 196-198. Review them and ask yourself if you are guilty of any of these.

Chapter 17 also discusses three kinds of conflict that occur in marriage. I am going to concentrate on the one that is most common and affects me and therefore those around me on a daily basis. My own selfishness.

Marital conflict was set in motion back in Genesis Chapter 3. Genesis 3:16 says this: To the woman He said: "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire [shall be] for your husband, And he shall rule over you."

John MacArthur makes this statement about Your desire...he shall rule. "Just as the woman and her seed will engage in a war with the serpent. i.e. Satan and his seed(vs 15), because of sin and the curse, the man and the woman will face struggles in their own relationship. Sin has turned the harmonious system of God-ordained roles into distasteful struggles of self-will. Lifelong companions, husbands and wives, will need God's help in getting along as a result. The woman's desire will be to lord it over her husband, but the husband will rule by divine design. (Eph. 5:22-25). This interpretation of the curse is based upon the identical Hebrew words and grammar being used in Genesis 4:7 to show the conflict man will have with sin as it seeks to rule him. Genesis 4:7 reads this way: "If you do well, will you (Cain) not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire [is] for you, but you should rule over it."

We need God's help here ladies...it is a battle from the beginnings of time. Eve wanted what she wanted and took it. Our own selfishness gets in the way of the relationship we want to have with our husbands. Look to His word for help. It is not about what your husband said or did...it is about glorifying our Father in heaven in our words and deeds. Worship Him through your right words and deeds. Teach your children how to respond biblically. Pouting, manipulation, outburst of wrath, selfishness and nagging are all learned sinful behaviors. Change them using Scripture to show you the more excellent way.

Lastly, Ms Peace gives us some character qualities that are necessary to solve conflict. They are humility, gentleness, patience and forbearance. Let's look at each one and discover what they might mean to us in the middle of a conflict.

Humility: I used the Blue letter bible and found these meanings:

1) having a humble opinion of one's self

2) a deep sense of one's (moral) littleness

3) modesty, humility, lowliness of mind

Well, okay...I guess I see how humility would help. :D More from the Blue Letter Bible (BLB) "because it is only the humble heart which is also meek; and which, as such, does not fight against God, and more or less struggle and contend with Him." So when we contend with our husbands we are contending with God. I accidentally typed "so when we are content with our husbands....Hmmm, that has an application also. We can be content because all we have comes from God and He always has our best interests at heart. Here is my favorite though: John Mac
Arthur says that humility is the perfect antidote to the self-love that poisons human relationships.

Here are some verses for meditation...

Phil 2:3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

1 Peter 5:5 Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to [your] elders. Yes, all of [you] be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for "God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble."

Prov 15:33 The fear of the LORD [is] the instruction of wisdom, And before honor [is] humility.

Col 3:12 Therefore, as [the] elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering;

Meekness: In most cases meekness is always translated as gentleness. It is the willingness to suffer injury or insult rather than inflict such hurts. It is what Jesus was at the cross. He had the ability to retaliate but instead He allowed Himself to be led as a lamb to slaughter. Meekness is the opposite of being out of control as we might think. John MacArthur says that meekness is not weakness, but rather supreme self-control empowered by the Spirit. Think then of meekness as power under control. Meekness makes a decision to put the other first. This type of attitude heals and edifies. Next time you are beginning to get embroiled in a conflict with your husband, look fully into the faces and eyes of your children. Really see the damage and the hurt you are causing. Turn from your sin and put on meekness. Here are some verses to renew your mind.

Gal 5:23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law
.
Eph.4:2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love,

Col 3:12 Therefore, as [the] elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering;

2nd Cor 10:1 Now I, Paul, myself am pleading with you by the meekness and gentleness of Christ--who in presence am lowly among you, but being absent am bold toward you.

Matt 11:29 Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

Patience: Here is an outline of biblical uses for the word patience from the BLB.

1) to be of a long spirit, not to lose heart

a) to persevere patiently and bravely in enduring misfortunes and troubles

b) to be patient in bearing the offenses and injuries of others

1) to be mild and slow in avenging

2) to be longsuffering, slow to anger, slow to punish

I think we all can see how this quality would help in conflict resolution. How far I fall short!

Some verses for meditation:

Heb 6:15 And so, after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise.

James 5:7 Therefore be patient, brethren, until the coming of the Lord. See [how] the farmer waits for the precious fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the early and latter rain.

James 5:8 You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.

1 Cor 13:4 Love suffers long [and] is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

Longsuffering: be patient, to have patience, to suffer long, to patiently endure. So if you think you have BEEN patient it is time to start meditating on suffering long. Let's look at the Old Testament here for verses...Patience and longsuffering are virtues that the Lord uses to describe Himself.

Exodus 34:6 And the LORD passed before him and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth,

Nehemiah 9:17 They refused to obey, And they were not mindful of Your wonders That You did among them. But they hardened their necks, And in their rebellion* They appointed a leader To return to their bondage. But You [are] God, Ready to pardon, Gracious and merciful, Slow to anger, Abundant in kindness, And did not forsake them.

Psalm 145:8 The LORD [is] gracious and full of compassion, Slow to anger and great in mercy.

Prov 14:29 [He who is] slow to wrath has great understanding, But [he who is] impulsive* exalts folly.

Prov 15:18 A wrathful man stirs up strife, But [he who is] slow to anger allays contention.

Prov 16:32 [He who is] slow to anger [is] better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.

In closing, you have one time around with your family to do it right. If you are behaving selfishly and causing conflict or increasing the conflict with your bad reactions in your home, repent. Diligently apply these qualities in your day to day marital relationship with your husband. You will be amazed at how your obedience will not only be a blessing to those around you, but to you as well as your family follows your lead and begins to respond with these attitudes also.

Chapter 16: Communication - Control of the Wife's Tongue

James 3:6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature and it is set on fire by hell.

So much of the bad feelings and problems in a marriage could be eliminated if even just one partner...that would be us, the wives... practiced sweetness of speech.

Matthew 12:34c says "for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." James tells us that if anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Who knows what wonderful things the Lord could do in our lives if we became spiritually mature in this area and had control over our tongues! How Christ could be glorified!

Let's spend some time looking at Matthew 12:34c. This is the verse I find most helpful in the area of speaking sweetly and communicating biblically. "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." It reminds me that my wrong words (my impatient words, my angry words, my judgemental words, my careless words, my loveless words, my rash and/or foolish words, and finally my thoughtless words) come from my wrong thoughts.

James 1:14-15 says, But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. 15 Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death. He tells us here that sin is not a spontaneous act but the result of a process. We are drawn away (lured) by our own desires. When wrong words are spoken, it is crucial to stop and ask yourself why you reacted or spoke in such a way. What were you meditating on? What did you want that you were not getting? What did you think you deserved? It is not just good enough here to change how you sound on the outside...Jesus cares about your heart. Search your heart because the bible says that out of it springs the issues of life. It also says that our hearts are desperately wicked, who can know them? Allow the Word of God to do a work from the inside out. Confess your sin, put it off, renew your mind with the truth and put on love. How do we do this?

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, 5 casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ.

Once we see these wrong thought patterns we can begin to chip away at them by taking each one captive unto the obedience of Christ.

Some of us might even be in bondage to wrong thinking. We might have a stronghold or fortress where we retreat when we are hurt and angry. If you are enslaved by some wrong thinking, your response when cornered or under pressure will not be godly. God is our strong tower. We are to run to Him. The bible tells us to use the sword of the spirit to pull down these strongholds. We are to assault error with the truth of God's Word. Human wisdom, ingenuity, or self-help books are powerless against the lies that corrupt our thinking and our reactions. It is a spiritual battle we are in...the truth will set us free and enable us to react rightly to our husband and to others.

As we become diligent about examining what we are meditating on and taking our thoughts captive, we will be making a practice of sweet speech. The word discipline in the New Testament comes from the word gymnazo which means to exercise or to train. In other words to do it over and over again until you get it right. The pursuit of godliness takes perseverance.

There are many verses that help us in the area of sweet speech. Here are a few of my favorites...but do your own study. Meditate on them and hide them in your heart.

The bible tells us in Ephesians chapter 4 to speak the truth in love. In the same chapter it says this: Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. I like to remember this as "NEGG". Speak only what is necessary, edifying, good and gives grace.

On the subject of judging motives 1st Samuel 1:3 says this: Talk no more so very proudly; Let no arrogance come from your mouth, For the LORD is the God of knowledge; And by Him actions are weighed. Below are more in no particular order:

Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 17:27 He who has knowledge spares his words, And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit.
Mt 5:37 But let your yes be yes and your no, no. For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.
Col 4:6 Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each one.
Tit 2:8 Sound speech that cannot be condemned, that one who is an opponent may be ashamed, having nothing evil to say of you.
Psalm 19:14 Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord.
Proverbs 15:23 A man has joy by the answer of his mouth, And a word spoken in due season, how good it is!
Proverbs 16:24 Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.
Proverbs 25:11 A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.
Ec 10:12 The words of a wise man's mouth are gracious, but the lips of a fool shall swallow him up;
Isaiah 50:4 The Lord God has given Me the tongue of the learned, That I should know how to speak a word in season to him who is weary.
Psalm 141:3 Set a guard O Lord over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.
Deut 6:7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.
Col 3:16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
Proverbs 31:26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, and on her tongue is the law of kindness.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Chapter 15: Honoring Christ Key to the Wife's Motivation

Having the right heart attitude is paramount in implementing biblical submission into your life. Ask yourself what truly is your heart attitude when it comes to submitting to your husband. Are your motives based on your feelings at the moment? Are they selfish? In order to make a practice of biblically submitting to our husbands it helps if our motivation is greater than our own selfish desires...our motivation should be to glorify the Lord Jesus Christ. As stated in an earlier post it is crucial to decide ahead of time to honor God, to do the right thing, with the right motive. Give your feelings to God and obey Him. As you make a practice of this in your relationship with your husband you will begin to reap the rich temporal and eternal rewards of being in the center of God's will. Put off getting what you want at the moment and see what God will do in your life when you trust Him daily by placing yourself in His care.

In Chapter 15 Martha Peace lists 20 motivational principles for submission along with a scripture to reinforce the point.

I have added additional scriptures for most principles to encourage you on your way...

1. Being grateful...remember what God has done and how much we have been forgiven. I am reminded here of the parable of the wicked servant whose master forgave him much and he did not go and do likewise. We need to always remember the mercy we have been shown and do likewise. Be grateful for the forgiveness you have received by honoring and obeying God.

2. Look to Christ for your example. Do a study on His submission to the Father. He never said or did anything outside of the Father's will. In fact Jesus said in John 14 that if you had seen him you had seen the Father also. Philippians 2:5-17 says it best:

Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, 6 who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, 7 but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross. 9 Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, 10 that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, 11 and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. 12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.
14 Do all things without complaining and disputing, 15 that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, 16 holding fast the word of life, so that I may rejoice in the day of Christ that I have not run in vain or labored in vain.
17 Yes, and if I am being poured out as a drink offering on the sacrifice and service of your faith, I am glad and rejoice with you all. 18 For the same reason you also be glad and rejoice with me.

3. Renew your mind with Scripture: Be aware of the thoughts and intents of your heart and be ruthless with the ones that are not God honoring...constantly renewing your mind with Scripture and what is right. The thought and intent of my heart usually tends toward being offended because I think I am getting less than I THINK I deserve. Or worse when I am noting how much I am doing and how little others in the household are doing. You know...when everyone else is sitting down and you are doing all those things that make for the smooth running of the household. The verse that helps me here is from Luke Chapter 17 verse 10: So likewise you, when you have done all those things which you are commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants. We have done what was our duty to do.’”

4. True beauty and adornment comes from trusting God. Have you ever really looked at some women who supposedly have it all according to the world? I mean really looked at their faces...Their beauty is marred by their driven countenance. I have seen some Christian women have this look also...Isaiah 26:3 says that God will keep you in perfect peace when your mind is set on Him. Look up...relax...

5. Biblical submission shows love to God. Martha Peace has a great one here. John 14:15 - If you love Me, you will keep my commandments. The fruit of our salvation is obedience to the Father. Ephes 2:8-10 - For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, 9 not of works, lest anyone should boast. 10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

6. Biblical submission is a way to show love to your husband. The famous 1 Cor 13:-4-8 is the winner here. Love fulfills the law. Romans 13:8-10 says this: 8 Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. 9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,” “You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 10 Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

7. View biblical submission through God's sovereignty and goodness. The Lord does all things well...He is in control. He has a purpose in every circumstance. Don't argue with your maker...obey...See what the Lord will do! Romans 8:28 is a good one here: And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

8. God uses others to put pressure on a wife to be submissive. Be teachable...maybe someone does know more than you. Proverbs are filled with admonitions to listen and get wisdom. Here are a few: Prov 1:5 A wise man will hear and increase learning, And a man of understanding will attain wise counsel...Prov 9: 6-9 Forsake foolishness and live, And go in the way of understanding. “ He who corrects a scoffer gets shame for himself, And he who rebukes a wicked man only harms himself. 8 Do not correct a scoffer, lest he hate you; Rebuke a wise man, and he will love you. 9 Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser; Teach a just man, and he will increase in learning. It is also helpful to remember that proverbs also tells us that "any fool can start a quarrel."

9. A wife should train herself to be biblically submissive. Again, practice makes perfect. This one takes ALOT of practice, prayer and the power of God.

10. Learn the biblical dynamics of authority and rebellion...Holding God's word as the standard by which you live your life is vital here. Rebellion is shaking your fist at God. You are telling Him that you know best. This is a serious sin. I have Isaiah 45:9 written out on the very first page of my bible. It says Woe unto him who argues with his Maker. Figures of the potter and the clay and of parent and child show how absurd it is to contend with God over His plans for the future. When you strive with your husband's decisions, you are striving with the Lord!

11. Seek biblical counsel from someone who will exhort and admonish you to be submissive. Find someone who holds the Word of God very high. Someone who is going to exhort you to do right. Someone who knows the Scripture and walks the walk.

12. Humbly receive your husband's correction and reproof. This goes back to being wise and listening to rebukes. Do not make it hard for your husband to rule over you. Even if the rebuke is in your opinion said in an unkind or thoughtless manner, find what is true in it, repent and mature spiritually.

13. Study the character of God. This is a great idea. To begin go back to pages 10-12 and study what wives need to know about God. Here is how the Lord describes Himself in Exodus 34:6-7 -Do a study on the key words in these verses. 6 And the LORD passed before him and proclaimed, “The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abounding in goodness and truth, 7 keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s children to the third and the fourth generation.” Jesus also said that if you have seen Him, you had seen the Father also.

14. A wife will honor God's word by being submissive to her husband. Again, honor the word of God. Hold it in high esteem. Don't be a hearer of the Word only...be a doer.

15. Be faithful in the little things. Martha Peace speaks so truly here. Rebellion no matter how small it may seem to you is rebellion which is sin. If you don't think so...your conscience will become harder and harder...you will become less and less faithful to do the right thing and submit. Why because you are eroding God's authority in your mind. You are doing what is right in your own eyes. The "little foxes" will spoil the vine. Be faithful to obey your husband even in the smallest matters. Don't let your guard down here and justify your sinful rebellion.

16. Be a living sacrifice for the Lord Jesus. Romans 12:1 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. Use this one when you really don't feel like submitting...it will increase your motivation.

17. Being submissive is a fruit of your salvation. Pray for the desire and longing to please God and obey Him by submitting graciously and lovingly to your husband.

18. A wife may be motivated by personal testimonies of women who are already submission to their husbands. I like to use the bible for examples here. Abigail comes to mind...

19. You may sometimes suffer for righteousness sake. Most of the time this is not why I suffer. When you do it is helpful to remember what it says in Hebrews 12:3 For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. 4 You have not yet resisted to bloodshed, striving against sin.

20. Remind yourself of the potential grievous consequences of not being submissive. It says in Proverbs that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. Hebrews 12:28 says this: 28 Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. 29 For our God is a consuming fire. Sin has consequences. Psalm 119:75-76 says this: 75 I know, O LORD, that Your judgments are right,And that in faithfulness You have afflicted me.76 Let, I pray, Your merciful kindness be for my comfort, according to Your word to Your servant.

Scripture renews your mind. Read these verses over when you need the encouragement. I can't emphasize enough how important it is to be reading your bible. Studying it daily. Meditating on it and memorizing it. Think of all the things you put in your mind. Purpose in your heart to put God's word there. The Word of God is described in Ephesians 6 as the sword of the Spirit. It also tells us to gird our waist with truth. Saturate yourself with the Word.

I will end with Ephesians 6:10-19 10:

Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. 11 Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. 12 For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,^[c] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. 13 Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.
14 Stand therefore, having girded your waist with truth, having put on the breastplate of righteousness, 15 and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; 16 above all, taking the shield of faith with which you will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. 17 And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God; 18 praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints— 1