In My Grief and Sorrow…God

10 I am the LORD your God,

Who brought you out of the land of Egypt;

Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.—Psalm 81:10

Last night, when I was out with dog, my heart did some searching and some praying. I had spent a good part of my day in grief which was made worse by my heart that wobbled in fear of future grief. Truly loving brings joy, but it can be and often is a two-edged sword. Loving can also bring sorrow, grief and loss.  I have hated this corollary since I was a little girl.  In my life, I have experienced much of both.  Here is the thing…the joy that loving has brought to my life is and has been wonderful, but the sorrow loving has brought has been instrumental in drawing me close to my God.  Truly, that has made me more grateful for the latter than the former. 

God has used grief in my life to strengthen my relationship with Him.  In His wisdom and lovingkindness, He has used my sorrow of heart (and my subsequent fear of loss) to keep me utterly dependent on Him and bring me into His presence.  Last night, (in the very same spot and in the very same way as He did 20 years ago when I experienced my first catastrophic loss) He reminded me once again of His purposes in my sorrow.  The world around me faded until it was just me and my God under a canopy of stars.  Without my ongoing sorrow and grief, my heart would be clinging desperately to the people in my life for assurance and comfort. Now I cling to Him…to the One who will never, no, not ever, leave me or forsake me. His constant, unchanging love has enabled me to endure, and somewhere in the midst of all that enduring, my Jesus has become the anchor of my soul. 

Beloved...Our God is mighty...His works are wonderful. His arm is not short, and there is nothing too hard for Him.  We who believe stand in grace...in God’s permanent,  unmerited, divine favor.  Our sure and certain destiny is that we will share in the very glory of God. Trust Him.  He will work in every situation you face for your good and His glory.  He is sovereign, and no one and nothing can separate you from His love.  No matter what happens, you (and me) will be okay.  The eternal God is our refuge, and underneath are His everlasting arms. 

After I went inside last evening, I grabbed my Bible. The series of verses the Lord brought me were a beautiful symphony that enabled me to lay down in peace and sweetened my sleep. Leaving them here…

1 God is our refuge and strength,

A very present help in trouble.

2 Therefore we will not fear,

Even though the earth be removed,

And though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

3 Though its waters roar and be troubled,

Though the mountains shake with its swelling.—Psalm 46:1-3

7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.—2 Timothy 1:7

18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. 19 We love Him because He first loved us.—1 John 4:18-19

Faith is the opposite of fear…trusting brings peace.  Fear brings chaos. Faith overcomes. 

4 For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith. 5 Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?—1 John 5:4-5

6 The LORD is on my side;

I will not fear.—Psalm 118:6

24 When you lie down, you will not be afraid;

Yes, you will lie down and your sleep will be sweet.

25 Do not be afraid of sudden terror,

Nor of trouble from the wicked when it comes;

26 For the LORD will be your confidence,

And will keep your foot from being caught.—Proverbs 3:24-26

10 I am the LORD your God,

Who brought you out of the land of Egypt;

Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.—Psalm 81:10

20 Our soul waits for the LORD;

He is our help and our shield.

21 For our heart shall rejoice in Him,

Because we have trusted in His holy name.

22 Let Your mercy, O LORD, be upon us, Just as we hope in You.—Psalm 33 

Oh, How I Love Your Law!

 97 Oh, how I love Your law!

It is my meditation all the day.

98 You, through Your commandments, make me wiser than my enemies;

For they are ever with me.

99 I have more understanding than all my teachers,

For Your testimonies are my meditation.

100 I understand more than the ancients,

Because I keep Your precepts.

101 I have restrained my feet from every evil way,

That I may keep Your word.

102 I have not departed from Your judgments,

For You Yourself have taught me.

103 How sweet are Your words to my taste,

Sweeter than honey to my mouth!

104 Through Your precepts I get understanding;

Therefore I hate every false way.

נ NUN

105 Your word is a lamp to my feet

And a light to my path.

106 I have sworn and confirmed

That I will keep Your righteous judgments.

107 I am afflicted very much;

Revive me, O LORD, according to Your word.

108 Accept, I pray, the freewill offerings of my mouth, O LORD,

And teach me Your judgments.

109 My life is continually in my hand,

Yet I do not forget Your law.

110 The wicked have laid a snare for me,

Yet I have not strayed from Your precepts.

111 Your testimonies I have taken as a heritage forever,

For they are the rejoicing of my heart.

112 I have inclined my heart to perform Your statutes

Forever, to the very end.—Psalm 119:97-112

This section of Psalm 119 resonated with me this morning. My spirit testifies along with David’s that I am a precious child of God.  What the Psalmist writes and attests of the Word, I experience also!  Truly grace and peace are multiplied as we grow in the true and intimate knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord. 

Oh, how I love Your law!  It is my meditation all the day.  For the commandment is a lamp, and the teaching of the law is light. All things become visible when they are exposed by the light of God's precepts, for it is light that makes everything visible. Pay close attention to it as to a lamp shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and light breaks through the gloom and the morning star arises in your hearts.

O send out Your light and Your truth, let them lead me.  Let them bring me to Your holy hill and to Your dwelling places.  Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my exceeding joy...with the lyre I will praise You, O God, my God!

Beloved, let the spoken word of Christ have its home within you. Yes, let it dwell in your heart and mind—let it permeate every aspect of your being.  Teach, admonish and train one another with all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God.  Whatever you do in word or deed, do all of it (everything) in Jesus’ name, depending completely on Him , while giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

8 Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning,

For in You do I trust;

Cause me to know the way in which I should walk,

For I lift up my soul to You.—Psalm 143:8

The LORD is Righteous…

 1 Now it came to pass, when Rehoboam had established the kingdom and had strengthened himself, that he forsook the law of the LORD, and all Israel along with him. 2 And it happened in the fifth year of King Rehoboam that Shishak king of Egypt came up against Jerusalem, because they had transgressed against the LORD, 3 with twelve hundred chariots, sixty thousand horsemen, and people without number who came with him out of Egypt—the Lubim and the Sukkiim and the Ethiopians. 4 And he took the fortified cities of Judah and came to Jerusalem.  5 Then Shemaiah the prophet came to Rehoboam and the leaders of Judah, who were gathered together in Jerusalem because of Shishak, and said to them, "Thus says the LORD: 'You have forsaken Me, and therefore I also have left you in the hand of Shishak.'"  6 So the leaders of Israel and the king humbled themselves; and they said, "The LORD is righteous."  7 Now when the LORD saw that they humbled themselves, the word of the LORD came to Shemaiah, saying, "They have humbled themselves; therefore I will not destroy them, but I will grant them some deliverance. My wrath shall not be poured out on Jerusalem by the hand of Shishak. 8 Nevertheless they will be his servants, that they may distinguish My service from the service of the kingdoms of the nations."—2 Chronicles 12:1-8 - emphasis mine

6 So the leaders of Israel and the king humbled themselves; and they said, "The LORD is righteous." 

If I remember anything about King Rehoboam may I remember this!  Oh, Father!  Give me a teachable, humble and contrite heart.  Give me ears to hear not just Your words of comfort but also those of rebuke. May Rehoboam’s response be my own when I face the trials and difficulties that accompany life in this fallen world.  By Your Spirit, may my heart and soul believe and declare this beautiful and comforting truth. 

The LORD is righteous.

17 The LORD is righteous in all His ways,

Gracious in all His works.

18 The LORD is near to all who call upon Him,

To all who call upon Him in truth.

19 He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;

He also will hear their cry and save them.

20 The LORD preserves all who love Him,

But all the wicked He will destroy.

21 My mouth shall speak the praise of the LORD,

And all flesh shall bless His holy name

Forever and ever.—Psalm 145:17-21

Give Ear, O Shepherd of Israel..

 1 Give ear, O Shepherd of Israel,

You who lead Joseph like a flock;

You who dwell between the cherubim, shine forth!

2 Before Ephraim, Benjamin, and Manasseh,

Stir up Your strength,

And come and save us!

3 Restore us, O God;

Cause Your face to shine,

And we shall be saved!

4 O LORD God of hosts,

How long will You be angry

Against the prayer of Your people?

5 You have fed them with the bread of tears,

And given them tears to drink in great measure.

6 You have made us a strife to our neighbors,

And our enemies laugh among themselves.

7 Restore us, O God of hosts;

Cause Your face to shine,

And we shall be saved!

8 You have brought a vine out of Egypt;

You have cast out the nations, and planted it.

9 You prepared room for it,

And caused it to take deep root,

And it filled the land.

10 The hills were covered with its shadow,

And the mighty cedars with its boughs.

11 She sent out her boughs to the Sea,

And her branches to the River.

12 Why have You broken down her hedges,

So that all who pass by the way pluck her fruit?

13 The boar out of the woods uproots it,

And the wild beast of the field devours it.

14 Return, we beseech You, O God of hosts;

Look down from heaven and see,

And visit this vine

15 And the vineyard which Your right hand has planted,

And the branch that You made strong for Yourself.

16 It is burned with fire, it is cut down;

They perish at the rebuke of Your countenance.

17 Let Your hand be upon the man of Your right hand,

Upon the son of man whom You made strong for Yourself.

18 Then we will not turn back from You;

Revive us, and we will call upon Your name.

19 Restore us, O LORD God of hosts;

Cause Your face to shine,

And we shall be saved!—Psalm 80

Psalm 80 is Asaph’s prayer to God on behalf of the northern kingdom after it was taken captive by Assyria in 722-21 BC. The sentiments expressed are poignant and very beautiful.  This morning, as I read, my heart stopped at verse 8…

You have brought a vine out of Egypt;

You have cast out the nations, and planted it.

God brought Israel (the vine) out of Egypt and molded them into a great nation.

Jesus uses this same imagery to describe Himself and His followers in John, Chapter 15. 

I am the vine, you are the branches.

As a believer, I am one of the precious branches of Jesus. He is my Shepherd…in Him I have everything I need. He commands His lovingkindness toward me in the daytime and in the night His song is always with me. I am saved because He inclined to me and heard my cry. My Jesus lifted me up out of the horrible pit I was in and set my feet upon a rock. He put His Spirit in my heart and a new song in my mouth.  My prayer (and His) for me is that many would see it and put their trust in the Lord.

5 For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus' sake. 6 For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ.—2 Corinthians 4:5-6

❤️Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 5 having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved. 7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace 8 which He made to abound toward us in all wisdom and prudence, 9 having made known to us the mystery of His will, according to His good pleasure which He purposed in Himself, 10 that in the dispensation of the fullness of the times He might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven and which are on earth—in Him. 11 In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestined according to the purpose of Him who works all things according to the counsel of His will, 12 that we who first trusted in Christ should be to the praise of His glory.❤️—Ephesians 1:3-12

Father…Thank you that with You is forgiveness!  Thank you that I have been delivered from the power of darkness and conveyed into the kingdom of the Son of Your love.  In You, I have redemption through Your blood, and the the forgiveness of sins. Oh, help me, by Your Spirit, to be faithful and live in grateful thanksgiving.  Keep me on right paths. Enable me to walk worthy and to live to the praise of Your glory!   

I am Your beloved little vine.  Be the strength of my life!  Teach me to abide in Your love. Teach me to wait on You so that my life is immersed and entwined in Yours. Help me, by Your grace, to bloom where You in Your great wisdom planted me. I am weak, but You are strong!  You are my King and my God. It is Your arm that saves me.  It is the light of Your countenance that brings me favor. Command victories for me Father!  Unite my heart to fear Your name. In You, my God, I will boast all day long, and I will praise Your name forever. 

The Lord is Near…

 Hear my cry, O God; Attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, When my heart is overwhelmed;  Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.  For You have been a shelter for me, A strong tower from the enemy. I will abide in Your tabernacle forever; I will trust in the shelter of Your wings.  Selah --Psalm 61:1-4

David is not really that far from home when he is crying out here.  He had fled from Jerusalem at the time of his son Absolom's betrayal and was probably just on the other side of the Jordan River.   What anguish of heart David must have been experiencing at his son's rebellion and betrayal!

Like David, when our own  hearts are overwhelmed, it can feel like help is a million miles away.  Our feelings, however, can very often deceive us.  God’s word is truth. His word will never deceive.  He, who is your Helper, IS near.

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted

And saves those who are crushed in spirit.—Psalm 34:18

God is our shelter…He is our resting place…He is our strong tower and as believers He abides in us...In Him we live and move and have our being.

Beloved, God is near to you, as close as your crying. The moment You cry out broken and overwhelmed, He is there.  He is your home away from home.  He is your defense and the rock of your strength. He is your shelter in the storm.  David's God is your God. 

Trust in Him at all times, you people;

Pour out your heart before Him;

God is a refuge for us.

Selah—Psalm 62:8

Then Hear from Heaven…

The heart knows its own bitterness,

And a stranger does not share its joy.—Proverbs 14:10

At first glance this verse seems like a very sad commentary on life in this fallen world.  No one on this earth can’t really share my joy nor feel my sorrow.  Both my suffering and my rejoicing at their very deepest level is personal and private.  They are both mine to bear.  

For what man knows the things of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him?—1 Corinthians 2:11a

(That is not to say that we shouldn’t rejoice with the those who rejoice and weep with those who weep as Romans 12 exhorts us. In fact, Galatians 6 reminds us that we are to bear one another’s burdens and in so doing fulfill the law of Christ.)

I say all of this not to bring my reader to despair but to make my point.  Whether people understand our sorrow or our joy is of no real consequence because our God does!  He not only understands...He considers them and bears them!!  Jesus brought His greatest earthly sorrow to His Father in Heaven and surrendered it into His care at Gethsemane.  Yes, He asked that the disciples remain awake and pray with Him, but despite their regard for Jesus, they could not stay awake with Him even for an hour. Solomon also alludes to this in His prayer of dedication when the Ark was brought into the temple.  

whatever prayer, whatever supplication is made by anyone, or by all Your people Israel, when each one knows his own burden and his own grief, and spreads out his hands to this temple: 30 then hear from heaven Your dwelling place, and forgive, and give to everyone according to all his ways, whose heart You know (for You alone know the hearts of the sons of men),—2 Chronicles 6:29-30

Psalm 139 tells us that our God knows everything about us, and Colossians 2 reminds us that we are complete in Him.  Beloved, the Lord is our Shepherd, in Him, we have everything we need.  He is our refuge and our strength.  A very present help in trouble. 

Trust in Him at all times, you people;

Pour out your heart before Him;

God is a refuge for us. Selah—Psalm 62:8

Give the LORD the Glory Due His Name!

 Acts Chapter 12 begins with this verse…

Now about that time Herod the king stretched out his hand to harass some from the church.

It goes on to say this:

Then he killed James the brother of John with the sword. 3 And because he saw that it pleased the Jews, he proceeded further to seize Peter also. Now it was during the Days of Unleavened Bread. 4 So when he had arrested him, he put him in prison, and delivered him to four squads of soldiers to keep him, intending to bring him before the people after Passover.

A little later in the chapter we find out that Peter is miraculously freed from his prison…

5 Peter was therefore kept in prison, but constant prayer was offered to God for him by the church. 6 And when Herod was about to bring him out, that night Peter was sleeping, bound with two chains between two soldiers; and the guards before the door were keeping the prison. 7 Now behold, an angel of the Lord stood by him, and a light shone in the prison; and he struck Peter on the side and raised him up, saying, “Arise quickly!” And his chains fell off his hands. 8 Then the angel said to him, “Gird yourself and tie on your sandals”; and so he did. And he said to him, “Put on your garment and follow me.” 9 So he went out and followed him, and did not know that what was done by the angel was real, but thought he was seeing a vision. 10 When they were past the first and the second guard posts, they came to the iron gate that leads to the city, which opened to them of its own accord; and they went out and went down one street, and immediately the angel departed from him. 11 And when Peter had come to himself, he said, “Now I know for certain that the Lord has sent His angel, and has delivered me from the hand of Herod and from all the expectation of the Jewish people.”

In verse 18 Luke tells us that the escape of Peter caused “no small stir” among the soldiers  about what had become of him. Luke’s word choice made me smile because they tell us there was a mighty big stir…

18 Then, as soon as it was day, there was no small stir among the soldiers about what had become of Peter. 19 But when Herod had searched for him and not found him, he examined the guards and commanded that they should be put to death.

And he went down from Judea to Caesarea, and stayed there.

Herod was a cold-blooded killer. People’s lives mattered not to him.  Herod cared only for Herod.  He was hard-hearted, filled with self-importance and clearly had delusions of grandeur.  By commanding the death of the guards he is saying that he did not believe that Peter’s escape from prison was orchestrated by God…that he held the guards responsible. Then Herod himself escapes to Caesarea which, according to what I read, was a resort area on the Mediterranean where the Roman headquarters were located. 

Here in Caesarea, we find him sitting on his throne with the people hailing him as deity.  

So on a set day Herod, arrayed in royal apparel, sat on his throne and gave an oration to them. 22 And the people kept shouting, “The voice of a god and not of a man!” 23 Then immediately an angel of the Lord struck him, because he did not give glory to God. And he was eaten by worms and died. 24 But the word of God grew and multiplied.—Acts 12:21-24

Then immediately an angel of the Lord struck him, because he did not give glory to God.  What a fitting end.  Herod not only refused to acknowledge God in Peter’s miraculous escape, but also allows the people to glorify him as God! The wages of sin…of pride and rebellion against God, who is our Maker…is death. Beloved…our God will not give His glory to another. 

I am the LORD, that is My name;

And My glory I will not give to another,

Nor My praise to carved images.—Isaiah 42:8

Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man glory in his wisdom, let not the mighty man glory in his might, nor let the rich man glory in his riches; but let him who glories glory in this, that he understands and knows Me, that I am the Lord, exercising lovingkindness, judgment, and righteousness in the earth. For in these I delight,” says the Lord.—Jeremiah 9:23-24

I confess there are times that I forget that in me nothing good dwells. I forget that anything good in me is NOT me…it is Christ in me.  Oh Father, by your Spirit make this real to me!  By Your Spirit may all that is within me glorify Your name. May my every breath give You all the praise!

1 Give unto the LORD, O you mighty ones,

Give unto the LORD glory and strength.

2 Give unto the LORD the glory due to His name;

Worship the LORD in the beauty of holiness.—Psalm 29:1-2

How Long, O LORD?

 

How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever?

How long will You hide Your face from me?

2 How long shall I take counsel in my soul,

Having sorrow in my heart daily?

How long will my enemy be exalted over me?

3 Consider and hear me, O LORD my God;

Enlighten my eyes,

Lest I sleep the sleep of death;

4 Lest my enemy say,

"I have prevailed against him";

Lest those who trouble me rejoice when I am moved.

5 But I have trusted in Your mercy;

My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.

6 I will sing to the LORD,

Because He has dealt bountifully with me.—Psalm 13

Psalm 13 is one of my favorites. It is and has been a “go-to” for me when my heart gets overwhelmed with the cares and concerns of this world. 

I like it because it is a beautiful picture of prayer and the ability it has to change us.  I like it because, for me, it is a testimony that God waits for us to come to Him, and, when we do, He hears our cry and sustains us with His grace.  I like it because I can relate.  

In six short verses, David goes from feeling hopeless and forgotten in verse 1 to rejoicing in verses 5 and 6.  I so get this!  There is ongoing long term sorrow in my life that only God can fix and that only God can sustain me through.  So often over the course of the past 10 plus years I have run to Him with a heart filled with grief and sorrow, and I have come away rejoicing. Like David, God is my strong habitation to which I continually resort.  His love never fails.  His mercy toward me is great, and I am always helped.

In verse 1 and 2 we find David in a prolonged trial where God seems hidden from him. He is troubled and despondent.  In verses 3 and 4  David shares his heart with God and expresses his desires.  In Verses 5-6 David’s heart does a complete and utter about face. It is no longer how long O Lord, will You forget me forever.  It is now but I have trusted in Your mercy...my heart will rejoice in Your salvation...I will sing because He has dealt bountifully with me!  

Here is the caveat...the blessing is in the doing.  So often I talk about praying and crying out to Him in my distress, but what I do instead is put it off by doing other things.  I avoid my distress and try to carry on in my own strength instead of going up to my room to spend time with the Lord and His word — which is, you know, what I truly need.  My own pride and maybe fear of losing control in my grief keeps me from Him and His blessings!  I might also add here that me spending time with my God when I need to helps everyone in my household. 😀

Our whole attitude can be changed just by crying out to Him in faith...that is how we access His grace.  That is when we obtain mercy and help in our time of need.  It is in the crying out...It is in the dependence on Him and Him alone.  I don't even need to go up in my room...He is always with me.  

The trials in our life are our opportunities to trust Him and as such are wonderful gifts from God because they drive us to our knees and draw us to Him in ways that nothing else can.  As we draw near and spend time with Him, we leave His presence radiant...having been given that gift that no one can take away. 

Beloved, it really is that simple.  No matter how overwhelming the feeling or the situation, we as believers  can pull away for a moment and pray, and our Lord will meet us there. Today, talk to Him, question Him, pray Scripture...lay it all out before Him. You will come away changed.