Proverbs 17:14 The beginning of strife [is like] releasing water; Therefore stop contention before a quarrel starts.
Prov 20:3 [It is] honorable for a man to stop striving, Since any fool can start a quarrel.
Read a few more to get warmed to the subject. :D
Proverbs 21:9 Better to dwell in a corner of a housetop, Than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
Proverb 21:19 Better to dwell in the wilderness, Than with a contentious and angry woman.
Proverbs 27:15 A continual dripping on a very rainy day And a contentious woman are alike;
Prov 13:10 By pride comes nothing but strife, But with the well-advised [is] wisdom.
Are we getting the message? The Lord repeats this theme in a multiple of ways over and over again in His word. (Kinda like we do with our kids, sometimes) He must really want us to hear it.
If only we could remember just at the beginning of a conflict what an impact we have on our families by the way we respond. Many of us respond to our husbands in ways we wouldn't even consider responding to a friend or someone outside our home. It is not a question of knowing how to respond...I think most of us know how to respond. Sometimes, however, with those closest to us we get lazy. We forget God's purpose for us. We were created to be helpmates for our husbands and the caretaker of the home and children. Responding with anything other than a humble and gentle spirit then is rebellion against God's perfect will for us.
Hear this next part...it is important. What you communicate to your children through your relationship with your husband will stay with them for the rest of their lives. That should be a sobering thought. Children will learn all the fundamental lessons of love, forgiveness, joy, humility, compassion, patience, self-sacrifice, virtue, sin...I could go on...from observing their parents interact. What YOU teach them right or wrong will be rooted deep in their hearts. If you are patient, your children will be patient. If you are loving and compassionate, your children will display these qualities. If you turn to Jesus for help, so will they.
As wives do what you can to send the right messages to your kids. Don't say...but my husband...change your behavior...NOW. Don't look back...press on for the prize of the upward calling of God in Christ Jesus. Answer your husband with grace and humility. Let your gentleness, as the bible says in Philippians, be known. Are you known as a gentle woman in your household? I am not, but oh, how I long to be.
Humility as John MacArthur says is the perfect antidote to the self-love that poisons human relationships. Meekness is the willingness to suffer injury or insult rather than inflict such hurts. It is what Jesus was at the cross. He had the ability to retaliate but instead He allowed Himself to be led as a lamb to slaughter. Meekness is the opposite of being out of control as we might think. John MacArthur says that meekness is not weakness, but rather supreme self-control empowered by the Spirit. Think then of meekness as power under control. Meekness makes a decision to put the other first. This type of attitude heals and edifies.
Don't look at what the cost of behaving this way will be to your pride. Yeah, it will be humiliating ... focus on the results. What will be the outcome or fruit of your changed reactions. Sometimes we can get so embroiled in conflict that we can no longer see the big picture. The next time a conflict starts try to step back and view it as a play in which you want the godly outcome. Look fully into the faces and eyes of your children. Really see the damage and the hurt you are causing. By the power of the Spirit who dwells in you, put aside your own offense and make the sacrifice of righteousness. Again do not concern yourself with how others in your household react....YOU respond rightly...You be the first to change...and see what the Lord will do with your obedience and faithfulness.
NOTE: I wrote the above in my car while waiting for one of my daughter's classes to finish. I was tested as soon as I arrived home on this. I failed miserably. It is clear to me that this is an area that Satan does not want us to persevere and will do what he can to condemn and thwart our efforts. Look up! Press on! Make a practice of having a gentle and quiet spirit. Most of all remember that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Be convicted but not condemned.
Our own selfishness gets in the way of the relationship we want to have with our husbands. Look to His word and His Spirit for help. It is not about what your husband said or did...it is about glorifying our Father in heaven in our words and deeds. Worship Him through your right words and deeds. Teach your children how to respond biblically. Pouting, manipulation, outburst of wrath, selfishness and nagging are all learned sinful behaviors. Change them using Scripture to show you the more excellent way.
In closing, you have one time around with your family to do it right. If you are behaving selfishly and causing conflict or increasing the conflict with your bad reactions in your home, repent. Surrender to the God's Spirit in your heart and diligently apply these qualities in your day to day marital relationship with your husband. You will be amazed at how your obedience will not only be a blessing to those around you, but to you as well as your family follows your lead and begins to respond with these attitudes also.
Showing posts with label Christian Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christian Marriage. Show all posts
Monday, October 11, 2010
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Chapter 12: Submission The Wife's Joy
Hmmmm....Submission and joy in the same title. I had to really ponder that one. I rarely view it like that except when I am doing studies like this one. How does that work? You mean I am not getting what I want (you know...my way) and yet I am joyful..I mean really joyful deep down?? How is that possible? Despite my circumstances?? This is one of those biblical paradox things. Similar to what it says in James about counting it all joy when you encounter various trials or in Matthew where it says he who loses his life will gain it. It is about walking by faith and not by sight. Like so many things in the bible it really is the polar opposite to what is the norm in the world. It is marriage God's way. If only we could always look beyond what we are not getting to what we are doing when we submit to our husbands gracefully...we are glorifying our Lord.
So many times I fall far short of this vision. Recently a friend invited my family to the pool for the afternoon. We picked up some pizza on the way to their house. I also picked up a can of diet soda knowing my husband does not allow me to drink it. I thought it would be easier than stopping at Wawa on the way to the pool to get my caffeine fix. He asked me what I was planning to do with the soda and I told him I was planning to drink it. He said no. I argued quietly with him listing all the reasons he was wrong to refuse me. (drinking soda with regular sugar makes me ill, etc) We got to our friend's house with my husband still adamantly refusing to acquiesce to my demand. I could think of nothing but what I was not getting. I continued to berate and plead with my husband for my right to drink the soda. (in my charming and disarming way...but all knew I was not quite happy) My husband even asked me jokingly if I was going to relate this incident in one of my posts...I am sure he was pretty far out on that proverbial rooftop.
On our way to the pool I was still grieving thinking how much more enjoyable the outing would be if I was feeling awake enough to enjoy it. I (can you imagine) was thinking of how utterly selfish and stubborn my husband was being...what was the big deal...one lousy can of diet soda. It is my only vice..blah, blah, blah. All I do for him...How dare he try to tell me what I can and can't drink. (The bible says he can..sigh) I was really making it a grief for my husband to rule over me. Our friend, who was leading the way to the pool, pulled into Wawa. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I was to her at that moment. I went over to the car and kissed her...I had finally got what I wanted but at what price. I was a reproach to Christ. When her kids see a Wawa now guess who they think of? Not quite the impression I wanted to leave with them.... My God was my belly. Not a proud moment for me.
The Bible tells us wives to submit to our own husbands, as to the Lord. Uh oh...as to who?? The Lord. By submitting to your husband's authority you are submitting to God's authority. Not submitting is rebellion (sin) plain and simple. Submission does not in any way imply inferiority nor does it say anything about the man's personal worthiness or even his spiritual condition. We submit to our husbands as a loving act of obedience to our God. This is His will for us. Submission to your husband is God's desire for you. It is his best. It is for your protection. It is His commandment. He wants it to be your joy. Hebrews 12:2 says we are to look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith who endured and persevered so that He might receive the joy of accomplishment of the Father's will and exaltation. The author of Hebrews goes on in chapter 12 verse 3 to ask us to consider Jesus and the hostility he endured from sinners. He is our supreme example. Our sufferings are as nothing compared to Christ's. (I certainly wasn't suffering to bloodshed striving against sin in the car that day about my caffeine need) Submit and let your joy be in the accomplishment of your Father's will for you.
Martha Peace goes through four basic principles about joy. They are worth reviewing.
1. Joy results from trusting God and obeying His word. For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome. (1 John 5:3)
2. Joy can result from knowing that God is working to accomplish His purpose even in difficult circumstances. My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,(James 1:2;) And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28); I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18)
3. Joy comes from following the example of Jesus especially in difficult times. Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb12:2); For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, (2Cor 4:17); bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1Cor 13:7)
4. Joy results from a "Spirit-Filled" life. A spirit filled life is one controlled by the Spirit of God...God is at the center of your life. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, (Ephes 5:19); Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1st Thes 5:16-18)
As you learn to know God and trust Him through spending time in His word, you will gradually experience increased joy in your life. You know that whatever situation you may be facing He has a purpose for it and it is for your good. Your desire will be to obey Him.
Again this is a day by day process of purposing in your heart to draw near to Him. Saturate yourself with Him and His Word. As you become immersed in the water of His word, you will become like a tree planted by the rivers of water; your life will be Spirit controlled. Here is what John MacArthur says about being filled with the Spirit. (Ephes 5:18) "Being filled with the Spirit is living in the conscious presence of the Lord Jesus Christ, letting His mind, through the Word, dominate everything that is thought and done. Being filled with the Spirit is the same as walking in the Spirit. Christ exemplified this way of life." Follow His lead. Obey as He obeyed. We can know that the momentary affliction we have here is producing an eternal weight of glory. We really CAN trust Him.
When you are in the midst of the battle it helps to remember that the battle is not yours. Your job is to obey, (just as Christ's was) the results are up to God. As you begin to surrender thoughts, feelings, diet soda, coffee, agenda (in other words your very life) to God and allow His Word to dominate your thoughts and actions, you will find yourself less and less embroiled in a conflict of wills. It will be hard but you will have joy knowing that you are obeying the Lord Jesus Christ and glorifying Him.
So...Purpose in your heart each and every morning to submit to your husband as to the Lord. Decide ahead of the opportunity to respond rightly. When you are tested, you have already decided that you are going the way of obedience. The way that wholly pleases your God. (Deciding to submit ahead of time really does help! The hard decision has already been made.)
We are entering the last part of the book. The first section of this last part deals entirely with submission in one way, shape or form. There does, however, seem to be one general theme that runs throughout the book. Esteeming the other as more important than one's self. Which brings to mind love. You know the love that suffers long, that is kind, the love that does not envy, that does not parade itself and is not puffed up. It is the love that does not behave rudely and here is the love I have the most trouble with: The one that DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN. It is also the love that is not provoked and thinks no evil. The love that does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth. The love that bears all things, believes all things hopes all things and endures all things...even an afternoon without caffeine graciously. It is the love that never fails. It is the love of God poured out in our hearts by the power of the Holy Spirit. Truly all of God's commands for each of us can be summed up in loving God and loving others. The JOY acronym: Jesus - Others - You.
So many times I fall far short of this vision. Recently a friend invited my family to the pool for the afternoon. We picked up some pizza on the way to their house. I also picked up a can of diet soda knowing my husband does not allow me to drink it. I thought it would be easier than stopping at Wawa on the way to the pool to get my caffeine fix. He asked me what I was planning to do with the soda and I told him I was planning to drink it. He said no. I argued quietly with him listing all the reasons he was wrong to refuse me. (drinking soda with regular sugar makes me ill, etc) We got to our friend's house with my husband still adamantly refusing to acquiesce to my demand. I could think of nothing but what I was not getting. I continued to berate and plead with my husband for my right to drink the soda. (in my charming and disarming way...but all knew I was not quite happy) My husband even asked me jokingly if I was going to relate this incident in one of my posts...I am sure he was pretty far out on that proverbial rooftop.
On our way to the pool I was still grieving thinking how much more enjoyable the outing would be if I was feeling awake enough to enjoy it. I (can you imagine) was thinking of how utterly selfish and stubborn my husband was being...what was the big deal...one lousy can of diet soda. It is my only vice..blah, blah, blah. All I do for him...How dare he try to tell me what I can and can't drink. (The bible says he can..sigh) I was really making it a grief for my husband to rule over me. Our friend, who was leading the way to the pool, pulled into Wawa. I can't begin to tell you how grateful I was to her at that moment. I went over to the car and kissed her...I had finally got what I wanted but at what price. I was a reproach to Christ. When her kids see a Wawa now guess who they think of? Not quite the impression I wanted to leave with them.... My God was my belly. Not a proud moment for me.
The Bible tells us wives to submit to our own husbands, as to the Lord. Uh oh...as to who?? The Lord. By submitting to your husband's authority you are submitting to God's authority. Not submitting is rebellion (sin) plain and simple. Submission does not in any way imply inferiority nor does it say anything about the man's personal worthiness or even his spiritual condition. We submit to our husbands as a loving act of obedience to our God. This is His will for us. Submission to your husband is God's desire for you. It is his best. It is for your protection. It is His commandment. He wants it to be your joy. Hebrews 12:2 says we are to look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith who endured and persevered so that He might receive the joy of accomplishment of the Father's will and exaltation. The author of Hebrews goes on in chapter 12 verse 3 to ask us to consider Jesus and the hostility he endured from sinners. He is our supreme example. Our sufferings are as nothing compared to Christ's. (I certainly wasn't suffering to bloodshed striving against sin in the car that day about my caffeine need) Submit and let your joy be in the accomplishment of your Father's will for you.
Martha Peace goes through four basic principles about joy. They are worth reviewing.
1. Joy results from trusting God and obeying His word. For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome. (1 John 5:3)
2. Joy can result from knowing that God is working to accomplish His purpose even in difficult circumstances. My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,(James 1:2;) And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28); I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. (Romans 8:18)
3. Joy comes from following the example of Jesus especially in difficult times. Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. (Heb12:2); For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, (2Cor 4:17); bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1Cor 13:7)
4. Joy results from a "Spirit-Filled" life. A spirit filled life is one controlled by the Spirit of God...God is at the center of your life. And do not be drunk with wine, in which is dissipation; but be filled with the Spirit, (Ephes 5:19); Rejoice always, 17 pray without ceasing, 18 in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. (1st Thes 5:16-18)
As you learn to know God and trust Him through spending time in His word, you will gradually experience increased joy in your life. You know that whatever situation you may be facing He has a purpose for it and it is for your good. Your desire will be to obey Him.
Again this is a day by day process of purposing in your heart to draw near to Him. Saturate yourself with Him and His Word. As you become immersed in the water of His word, you will become like a tree planted by the rivers of water; your life will be Spirit controlled. Here is what John MacArthur says about being filled with the Spirit. (Ephes 5:18) "Being filled with the Spirit is living in the conscious presence of the Lord Jesus Christ, letting His mind, through the Word, dominate everything that is thought and done. Being filled with the Spirit is the same as walking in the Spirit. Christ exemplified this way of life." Follow His lead. Obey as He obeyed. We can know that the momentary affliction we have here is producing an eternal weight of glory. We really CAN trust Him.
When you are in the midst of the battle it helps to remember that the battle is not yours. Your job is to obey, (just as Christ's was) the results are up to God. As you begin to surrender thoughts, feelings, diet soda, coffee, agenda (in other words your very life) to God and allow His Word to dominate your thoughts and actions, you will find yourself less and less embroiled in a conflict of wills. It will be hard but you will have joy knowing that you are obeying the Lord Jesus Christ and glorifying Him.
So...Purpose in your heart each and every morning to submit to your husband as to the Lord. Decide ahead of the opportunity to respond rightly. When you are tested, you have already decided that you are going the way of obedience. The way that wholly pleases your God. (Deciding to submit ahead of time really does help! The hard decision has already been made.)
We are entering the last part of the book. The first section of this last part deals entirely with submission in one way, shape or form. There does, however, seem to be one general theme that runs throughout the book. Esteeming the other as more important than one's self. Which brings to mind love. You know the love that suffers long, that is kind, the love that does not envy, that does not parade itself and is not puffed up. It is the love that does not behave rudely and here is the love I have the most trouble with: The one that DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN. It is also the love that is not provoked and thinks no evil. The love that does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth. The love that bears all things, believes all things hopes all things and endures all things...even an afternoon without caffeine graciously. It is the love that never fails. It is the love of God poured out in our hearts by the power of the Holy Spirit. Truly all of God's commands for each of us can be summed up in loving God and loving others. The JOY acronym: Jesus - Others - You.
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