Better to Dwell in the Wilderness...

Better to dwell in the wilderness,

Than with a contentious and angry woman.—Proverbs 21:19

This verse is repeated in several different ways throughout Proverbs and none of them paint a pretty picture. One likens a quarrelsome wife to a continual dripping of rain.  Oh, may this never be said ( or thought!) about me!  To be fair though, women do not have the corner of the market on contentiousness. A lack of self-control when it comes to strong emotion is not just a woman’s problem.  It is a sin problem, and it is as rampant today as it was back when this proverb was penned.  

An angry wife, an angry husband or an angry child can make the lives of the people who live with them at best uncomfortable and, at worse, miserable or even downright impossible. The word “wilderness” here, by the way, means an uninhabitable land. For the purpose of this study I will focus on the wife, but the root sin problem and the antidote are the same for all.  

I am of one flesh with my husband.  When I am feeling something, he feels it with me. When we are not living in unity because one or both of us is being irritable, argumentative, cantankerous, irascible, or just a plain jerk, there is no joy in Mudville (as the saying goes).  As believers, we are to walk in the Spirit and not fulfill the lusts of our flesh. We are not to allow our passions to rule, but are to depend on our God’s grace to love those that God has placed in our lives. We are to consider one another in order to stir up love and good works.  We are, in effect, to point them to Christ by both our words and our actions.  

What do I do when I find myself falling into the role of the contentious woman?  I examine my heart.  I ask myself the simple question...what do you want that you are not getting?  Why that question you might ask? Because my bad attitudes ALWAYS stem from what I am not getting. What I, in my selfishness (and wrong thinking), think I deserve.  

I then remind myself of the truth.  I deserve death, and it is only by God’s grace that a place in heaven is reserved and being prepared for me.  My life then should never be one of contention, but should instead be a continuous song of praise and thanksgiving before Him.  I died, and my life is now hidden with Christ in God. I have been crucified with Him; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.  

Praying today that my heart and my home would be a soft place to fall for the precious people with which my God has blessed me.  Beloved, God is our Rock of Refuge from the tribulations and trials of this life.  A Man is our covert in the storm.  Point those you love to Him.  Be gracious and not contentious. May we, as believing wives, saved by His unmerited favor, make the words of Isaiah In Chapter 25 live in our heart and our home.

For You have been a strength to the poor,

A strength to the needy in his distress,

A refuge from the storm,

A shade from the heat;

For the blast of the terrible ones is as a storm against the wall.

5 You will reduce the noise of aliens,

As heat in a dry place;

As heat in the shadow of a cloud,

The song of the terrible ones will be diminished.—Isaiah 25:4-5

Ending with a portion of Scripture that is my go-to when it comes to relationships...

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. 15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.—Colossians 3:12-17

Returning Evil for Good...

Fierce witnesses rise up;

They ask me things that I do not know.

12 They reward me evil for good,

To the sorrow of my soul.

13 But as for me, when they were sick,

My clothing was sackcloth;

I humbled myself with fasting;

And my prayer would return to my own heart.

14 I paced about as though he were my friend or brother;

I bowed down heavily, as one who mourns for his mother.

15 But in my adversity they rejoiced

And gathered together;

Attackers gathered against me,

And I did not know it;

They tore at me and did not cease;

16 With ungodly mockers at feasts

They gnashed at me with their teeth—Psalm 35:11-16

There is not much else that brings more sorrow to the heart of a believer than when their good (Christ’s good) is spoken of as evil...when the people close to them return the good they had done toward them with evil, lies and ingratitude.  In David’s adversity they rejoiced!  They gathered together as attackers and tore at him without ceasing.  

But as for me, David laments, when they were sick, my clothing was sackcloth. I humbled myself with fasting and I prayed for them.  I paced about, he continues, as though he were my friend or my brother.  I bowed down heavily as one who mourns for his mother.  David’s heart was tender toward them!  He gave them good for evil.  

Beloved, as a follower of Christ, what happened to Christ, what happened to David WILL in one shape or form happen to you.  Take heart, and know that you are in good company. Be encouraged also, because in Christ, God has given you everything you need to navigate through these waters.  He is Your sufficiency.  His word is replete with advice and encouragement for just such a time as this. Immerse yourself in it.  Allow it to penetrate your heart and be the anchor of your soul.  As you do this, hear the footsteps of Christ...He is with you even as He was with His disciples in the midst of the storm saying:

“Be of good cheer: it is I, be not afraid”. 

All others may forsake, but not our God. He is the same yesterday, today and forever.  He loves you with an everlasting love.  In your grief, sorrow and betrayal, go to your Jesus.  Make His footsteps Your pathway.  He Himself has passed through these flames and braved these floods.  Allow Him to plead your cause and comfort your heart.  Jesus is your friend who loves at all times and also your brother born for your adversity.  Bring your sorrow to Him...He is your defense. Trust in Him at all times, pour out your heart before Him...Your God is a refuge for you.  

Beloved, may the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God and into the patience of Christ.  

****

Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. 12 Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.—Matthew 5:11-12

And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good? 14 But even if you should suffer for righteousness' sake, you are blessed. "And do not be afraid of their threats, nor be troubled." 15 But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; 16 having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed. 17 For it is better, if it is the will of God, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil.—1 Peter 1:13-17

who, when He was reviled, did not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten, but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously;—1 Peter 2:23

But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.—James 1:4-5

For I am ready to fall,

And my sorrow is continually before me.

18 For I will declare my iniquity;

I will be in anguish over my sin.

19 But my enemies are vigorous, and they are strong;

And those who hate me wrongfully have multiplied.

20 Those also who render evil for good,

They are my adversaries, because I follow what is good.

21 Do not forsake me, O LORD;

O my God, be not far from me!—

22 Make haste to help me,

O Lord, my salvation!—Psalm 38:17-22

11 But the LORD is with me as a mighty, awesome One.

Therefore my persecutors will stumble, and will not prevail.

They will be greatly ashamed, for they will not prosper.

Their everlasting confusion will never be forgotten.

12 But, O LORD of hosts,

You who test the righteous,

And see the mind and heart,

Let me see Your vengeance on them;

For I have pleaded my cause before You.—Jeremiah 20:11-12

Psalm 69

Save me, O God!

For the waters have come up to my neck.

2 I sink in deep mire,

Where there is no standing;

I have come into deep waters,

Where the floods overflow me.

3 I am weary with my crying;

My throat is dry;

My eyes fail while I wait for my God.

4 Those who hate me without a cause

Are more than the hairs of my head;

They are mighty who would destroy me,

Being my enemies wrongfully;

Though I have stolen nothing,

I still must restore it.

5 O God, You know my foolishness;

And my sins are not hidden from You.

6 Let not those who wait for You, O Lord GOD of hosts, be ashamed because of me;

Let not those who seek You be confounded because of me, O God of Israel.

7 Because for Your sake I have borne reproach;

Shame has covered my face.

8 I have become a stranger to my brothers,

And an alien to my mother’s children;

9 Because zeal for Your house has eaten me up,

And the reproaches of those who reproach You have fallen on me.

10 When I wept and chastened my soul with fasting,

That became my reproach.

11 I also made sackcloth my garment;

I became a byword to them.

12 Those who sit in the gate speak against me,

And I am the song of the drunkards.

13 But as for me, my prayer is to You,

O LORD, in the acceptable time;

O God, in the multitude of Your mercy,

Hear me in the truth of Your salvation.

14 Deliver me out of the mire,

And let me not sink;

Let me be delivered from those who hate me,

And out of the deep waters.

15 Let not the floodwater overflow me,

Nor let the deep swallow me up;

And let not the pit shut its mouth on me.

16 Hear me, O LORD, for Your lovingkindness is good;

Turn to me according to the multitude of Your tender mercies.

17 And do not hide Your face from Your servant,

For I am in trouble;

Hear me speedily.

18 Draw near to my soul, and redeem it;

Deliver me because of my enemies.

19 You know my reproach, my shame, and my dishonor;

My adversaries are all before You.

20 Reproach has broken my heart,

And I am full of heaviness;

I looked for someone to take pity, but there was none;

And for comforters, but I found none.

21 They also gave me gall for my food,

And for my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink.

22 Let their table become a snare before them,

And their well-being a trap.

23 Let their eyes be darkened, so that they do not see;

And make their loins shake continually.

24 Pour out Your indignation upon them,

And let Your wrathful anger take hold of them.

25 Let their dwelling place be desolate;

Let no one live in their tents.

26 For they persecute the ones You have struck,

And talk of the grief of those You have wounded.

27 Add iniquity to their iniquity,

And let them not come into Your righteousness.

28 Let them be blotted out of the book of the living,

And not be written with the righteous.

29 But I am poor and sorrowful;

Let Your salvation, O God, set me up on high.

30 I will praise the name of God with a song,

And will magnify Him with thanksgiving.

31 This also shall please the LORD better than an ox or bull,

Which has horns and hooves.

32 The humble shall see this and be glad;

And you who seek God, your hearts shall live.

33 For the LORD hears the poor,

And does not despise His prisoners.

34 Let heaven and earth praise Him,

The seas and everything that moves in them.

35 For God will save Zion

And build the cities of Judah,

That they may dwell there and possess it.

36 Also, the descendants of His servants shall inherit it,

And those who love His name shall dwell in it.

All Things Are Lawful...1 Cor 10

All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify. 24 Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being.—1 Corinthians 10:23-24

There are not many qualities more lovely or more like Christ than when unselfishness and self-sacrifice are lived out among His people. Love does not seek its own...it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things and endures all things...love is eternal...it never fails.  It has its Christlike effect here, and because it is eternal, its effect goes before us into eternity.  Loving someone with this kind of love bears lasting fruit.  

As a Christian, I do have freedom.  My freedom was purchased by the precious blood of my Jesus who gave Himself for me.  Paul says rightly that all things are lawful for him, but not all things build up and some things can lead us back to our old Master...Satan.  He reminded the Corinthians of this earlier in Chapter 6 verse 12. 

All things are lawful for me, but all things are not helpful. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be brought under the power of any.

We who have died with Christ are now His slaves unto righteousness. We are no longer in bondage to sin. We have the freedom not to sin. 

For if we have been united together in the likeness of His death, certainly we also shall be in the likeness of His resurrection, 6 knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves of sin. 7 For he who has died has been freed from sin. 8 Now if we died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, 9 knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, dies no more. Death no longer has dominion over Him. 10 For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. 11 Likewise you also, reckon yourselves to be dead indeed to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus our Lord.—Romans 6:5-11

In our freedom we also have a responsibility to those who are weaker in the faith. Some of the things that I am free to do, might lead another to go against his conscience and fall into sin.  (For whatever is not from faith is sin).  As a member of the body of Christ it is my job to always build the other members up and seek their advantage over my own. As Christ followers than, love is our rule of law.  Love is the one thing that we always owe and is never repaid.  Love edifies. Love fulfills the law because it does no harm to a neighbor. 

Father,  thank you for the freedom you have given me in Your Son.  Thank you that I have been set free from sin through faith in my Jesus. Thank you that by Your Spirit’s power, I have the freedom NOT to sin!  May I glorify You today by living out the truth of what I believe. May my actions follow what my heart believes!   May all I do today be done in love and for Your glory. Praying that by the means of the Spirit’s power within me, I use my freedom to build others up by loving them with Your self-sacrificing love. May I treat them the way You, my God, have treated me. 

For you, brethren, have been called to liberty; only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another. 14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." 15 But if you bite and devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!—Galatians 5:13-15

You Are Faithful...

nor complain, as some of them also complained, and were destroyed by the destroyer. 11 Now all these things happened to them as examples, and they were written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the ages have come.—1 Corinthians 10:10-11

Truly the foolishness of a man twists his way and his heart frets against the Lord.  Fretting causes harm!  Instead help me to do as Your word says...

Trust in the LORD, and do good;

Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

4 Delight yourself also in the LORD,

And He shall give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD,

Trust also in Him,

And He shall bring it to pass.

Anxious care is forbidden!  I am to cast all my cares upon You BECAUSE You care for me. Your word tells me that my times are in Your hands.  Philippians 4 is the best advice here and are among the greatest of Your rules for living in this fallen world. 

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!

5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

Oh, Father.  HeIp me to see past “my” desires for “my” life and be content with what You have both for me and for the people I love. Help my eyes to focus on the rainbow in the sky and not try to look through it or over it.  I don’t need to...whatever You have...wherever I am...it is good because it is EXACTLY what You planned. Your promises are true. I don’t want to be a complainer...I don’t want to want more or something other than what You, my Father in Heaven, have for me.  I want to trust You when my heart feels anxious.  I want to believe Your promises. Your mercy is from everlasting to everlasting.  You are faithful.  Help me to view my trials as the cords of Your loving-kindness, by which You are drawing me nearer and nearer to You. 

7 "For a mere moment I have forsaken you,

But with great mercies I will gather you.

8 With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment;

But with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,"

Says the LORD, your Redeemer.

9 "For this is like the waters of Noah to Me;

For as I have sworn

That the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth,

So have I sworn

That I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you.

10 For the mountains shall depart

And the hills be removed,

But My kindness shall not depart from you,

Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,"

Says the LORD, who has mercy on you.

11 "O you afflicted one,

Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,

Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,

And lay your foundations with sapphires.

12 I will make your pinnacles of rubies,

Your gates of crystal,

And all your walls of precious stones.—Isaiah 54:7-12

8 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts,

Nor are your ways My ways," says the LORD.

9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

So are My ways higher than your ways,

And My thoughts than your thoughts.—Isaiah 55:8-9

Thank you Father that You are our sun and our shield.  No good thing will You withhold from those that walk uprightly. Today, I commit all into Your hands.  

Hear My Prayer...

Your mercy, O LORD, be upon us,

Just as we hope in You.—Ps 33:22

Today, Father, I am placing my hope in You and seeking Your mercy. You, my God, are trustworthy.  You have delivered my soul from death by redeeming me. You, who did not spare Your own Son, but delivered Him up, shall freely give me all that is needed to get me through this life and convey me into the Kingdom of the Son of Your love. 

Your divine care for me is evidenced in Your creation...the Word that created all things and holds them together also created me and holds me together.  Hold me, this morning, Father.  You are my Beloved and I am Yours.  My heart this morning is filled with the grief and sadness that accompanies life in this fallen world.  I depend on Your steadfast love and grace to sustain me as I walk through this valley of tears! Lord, I need You!  Be my Helper!

I am so grateful that there is truly nowhere I can flee from Your Spirit. You are always with me!  Your eye is always upon me!  You know all that is on my heart because You created my heart, and it has become Your dwelling place.  

Oh, Father...Hear then, my prayer this morning, and do not be silent.  My heart trusts in You!  You are my help and my shield!   I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word I do hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning—Yes, more than those who watch for the morning. But I have trusted in Your mercy.  My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation.  I will sing to the LORD, because He has dealt bountifully with me. 

Oh, let Your mercy be upon me, just as I hope in You.  Let those also who love Your name be joyful in You.  For You, O LORD, will bless the righteous; with favor You will surround him as with a shield.

To You I will cry, O LORD my Rock:

Do not be silent to me,

Lest, if You are silent to me,

I become like those who go down to the pit.

2 Hear the voice of my supplications

When I cry to You,

When I lift up my hands toward Your holy sanctuary.—Psalm 28:1-2

Staying My Thoughts on My God...

The counsel of the LORD stands forever,

The plans of His heart to all generations.—Psalm 33:11

I am just gonna rest here today.  As Spurgeon is apt to say, I am gonna lay my head down on the pillow of my God’s sovereignty and immutability.  My thoughts are racing this morning about things that I am powerless to do anything about.  When I get this way, I am thankful for 1 Peter 1:13.   

Therefore gird up the loins of your mind, be sober, and rest your hope fully upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ;

John MacArthur explains this verse this way and it has always stuck with me. 

“Gird up the loins of your mind”—the ancient practice of gathering up one’s robes when needing to move in a hurry; here, it is metaphorically applied to one’s thought process. The meaning is to pull in all the loose ends of one’s thinking, by rejecting the hindrances of the world and focusing on the future grace of God.”

By His grace, this morning, I pulled up the loose ends of my thinking and re-centered them on what is important.  Christ. My heart found its rest here. His will for me comes from His heart of love. By His Spirit today, I want to rest my hope fully on the promises in His Word. I want to live in the expectation of His return.  

God’s plans stand forever!! The world, my circumstances and the people around me (me included) change so quickly that it is difficult for me to keep up! My God, thankfully, does not.  He is completely trustworthy.  Neither He, nor His plans for me, ever change. 

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and comes down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow of turning.  But You are the same and Your years will have no end. You will guide me with Your counsel and afterward receive me to glory.

Responding to Ridicule...

Hear, O our God, for we are despised; turn their reproach on their own heads, and give them as plunder to a land of captivity! 5 Do not cover their iniquity, and do not let their sin be blotted out from before You; for they have provoked You to anger before the builders.  6 So we built the wall, and the entire wall was joined together up to half its height, for the people had a mind to work.—Nehemiah 4:4-6

I have said this before and will say it again...I. LOVE. NEHEMIAH.  I am so grateful for his godly example.  He is humble and kind...but also like steel.  If you crossed him, he prayed and when Nehemiah prayed stuff happened. 

Verses 4-6 show us how Nehemiah responded to ridicule. He prayed.  He didn’t give Satan a foothold.  He didn’t mull over the enemies words and allow their poison to reach his heart and affect his thinking. He did the very best thing he could do...he did what we should do when we find ourselves in similar positions.  He brought it all IMMEDIATELY to God.  He prayed and committed the whole matter to Him who judges righteously...to Him to whom vengeance belonged. God was Nehemiah’s defense and His Defender.  He didn’t even take the time or the energy to respond to their words...He knew God had heard them.   Verse 5 tells us what he did after praying...He and the people went back to work, undeterred by the provocations of their enemies. They continued to do the work they had been called by God to do and so should we.  

1 May the LORD answer you in the day of trouble;

May the name of the God of Jacob defend you;

2 May He send you help from the sanctuary,

And strengthen you out of Zion;

3 May He remember all your offerings,

And accept your burnt sacrifice.

Selah

4 May He grant you according to your heart's desire,

And fulfill all your purpose.

5 We will rejoice in your salvation,

And in the name of our God we will set up our banners!

May the LORD fulfill all your petitions.

6 Now I know that the LORD saves His anointed;

He will answer him from His holy heaven

With the saving strength of His right hand.

7 Some trust in chariots, and some in horses;

But we will remember the name of the LORD our God.

8 They have bowed down and fallen;

But we have risen and stand upright.

9 Save, LORD!

May the King answer us when we call.—Psalm 20